Good-Bye Joe

Thank you God,

I hinted to Joe, the Deacon, in my January 14th entry. Joe and I first went to a Holiday party sponsored by a black ladies group here in Stone County.

He got one of the members to let me know that a ticket to the event was purchased on my behalf.

Now mind you, GC, had already gone to church with me a couple of times. Joe was aware that I was seeing someone.

Joe, all of 70 years, said he didn't mind competition.

What threw me was Joe would leave little gifts on my mother's front porch. I thought was a wonderful way for two old people to be courting. Bag of greens, cotton plants, flash lights and garden gloves ... always two sets. One for her and one for me. Thanks for leaving one for me, too!

Joe is an older man so I thought his interest was in my mother but much to my surprise ... it was me that Joe was after.

Joe began sending flowers and cards. A bouquet of flowers one week, a card the next for about two months. Courting, ole school style.

One day in church, Joe asked me to dinner. Joe sent me a note: If you would let me look in your face, you do not ever have to cook another Sunday dinner.

How simple Joe made it. But I held on to my six month rule. Today was the last day of the fifth month. Joe was looking forward to the six month. LOLOLOL

Joe waited for me and then died without ever having experiencing me. I kept to the rule and today I feel bad.

Joe Breland, you are a wonderul guy, friend and I am going to miss you the rest of my life. My coffee with you in the morning and Sunday dinners.

I love you so much for letting me know and experience I am worth the wait. Thank you.

Thank you God for allowing me the gift of one of your angels for a short while.

Love you always,
Yo

From the Mouth of Babes

Hello God,

At breakfast Ree asked how would I feel when my mother died and knowing that we had not made peace. She asked wouldn't that make me sad.

Of course, I told her but wanted such of relationship with her all my life, probably as long as she is old if not more.

Spoke with eldest son last night and he said he had thoughts of the same. I just can't get passed it. His incarceration had placed such a hardening in my heart for her. And now, it has spread to my sister which is very much a surprise.

I always believed that before I would do harm, I would leave him/her alone. I can't imagine doing harm to any one's child. My niece means so much to me to see her excel and become the successful woman, wife and mother ... if that's her dream. Part of support her dreams is not being a hindrance. Recognizing when she may be straying or heading towards danger ... and letting her parents know the same. But definitely, not becoming part of the problem.

In bible study this week, Beth Moore's the Patriarchs, we focused on Genesis 37. Here we learn where Joesph's brothers plotted to kill him out of jealousy but instead decided to sell him into slavery. Such a betrayal of love.

But later we find out .... Joesph held no animosity towards his brother. That's the place I need to reach.

My son says he prays for the healing of my mom's and my relationship. I know, if I don't do this for myself, I need to do this for my children. I believe I have a wonderful relationship with them. If nothing else, I pray for that curse to be broken. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

I learned that when there's hatred in a home ... it has to be dealt with. God can change any family from the inside out. God can remove violence from any home.

There's scarring on my heart. Psalms 55:4-8, 12-14, 20-21, speaks to the betrayal of the ones close to you. The wounds of an enemy is no way as scarring as the wounds of someone close to you, close to your heart.

Beth Moore suggest there may be four (4) reasons no apology:
1. They are oblivious that it has even occured in my eyes.
2. They are unwilling (power-driven).
3. Unable to give an apology.
4. God's unwilling.

Like Joesph, I always as a daughter and big sister, wanted to be a role-model and looked for their approval, respect, mercy, possibly their appreciation, an finally their welfare. There's nothing that either could ask, in my power, that I wouldn't do for either one.

I pray God that you deliver me from this harden heart. Better you break me where I have harden; rather than I snap and lose my mind and spirit.

In Jesus' precisous name,
your daughter,
Yo

Four Weeks to Go till the big 50

And 10-15 lbs.

Goal weight between 165 - 175

Note: Currently weighing 182lbs from 200lbs.

Thank you God, Love you always,
Yo

Alabaster Box

Hello Lord,

I played hookie from church today. I am really having struggles with Bethlehem. Last week in bible study at First United Methodist during the studying of the Patriachs the moderator commented on her testimony. Not sure why my mind is blank to her name, but I will come back and add it.

She mentioned CeCe Winans, Alabaster Box:

The room grew still
As she made her way to Jesus
She stumbles through the tears that made her blind
She felt such pain
Some spoke in anger
Heard folks whisper
There's no place here for her kind
Still on she came
Through the shame that flushed her face
Until at last, she knelt before his feet
And though she spoke no words
Everything she said was heard
As she poured her love for the Master
From her box of alabaster

Refrain

And I've come to pour
My praise on Him
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And I dry them with my hair
You weren't there the night He found me
You did not feel what I felt
When he wrapped his love all around me and
You don't know the cost of the oil
In my alabaster box

I can't forget the way life used to be
I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound
And I spent my days
Poured my life without measure
Into a little treasure box
I'd thought I'd found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And healed my soul
With the wonder of His touch
So now I'm giving back to Him
All the praise He's worthy of
I've been forgiven
And that's why
I love Him so much

Refrain

And I've come to pour
My praise on Him
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And dry them with my hair (my hair)
You weren't there the night Jesus found me
You did not feel what I felt
When He wrapped his loving arms around me and
You don't know the cost of the oil
Oh, you don't know the cost of my praise
You don't know the cost of the oil
In my alabaster box

There are so many women who have felt a prisoner of sin; even as mothers and wives. Doing things we didn't want to do but felt either we had no choice or perhaps no voice.

As the lyrics state ... don't be angry with me ... you have no idea from where the Lord delivered me ... from whom the Lord delivered me ...

Some folks would like to see you suffer, see you in lost or desperation. Rebuke those spirits in the name of Jesus.

As with the women at the well, our God sees all and knows all. I just so glad that He didn't send her away but ask her for a drink of water. In exchange He offered her everlasting life.

Thank you so much Jesus,
Yo

Eharmony, Match, Chemistry Internet Dating

Well, finally it's in print! Not that we should need it, but in print gives us confirmation. Internet dating is a sham. The article, "Betrayal:"

I went met someone on BlackPeopleMeet.com. He was suppose to be a pilot and I won't say the rest. Too perfect is too perfect. He turned out to be an OLD drunk with a submissive wife who continually turned her head to his indiscretions, five daughters. DAUGHTERS! I how did I found out! After some detective work that I probably should have done from the onset. It was during a dark period after the accident. Desperate time. As I got better, stronger physically, mentally I became more alert. He even had a Facebook page that included his grandchildren and children.  I alerted the District Attorney's office and other authorities along with his children. That made me whole from the deceit.

Eharmany resulted in no dates.

Match resulted in one date. At least I got to partake from a local restaurant I wanted to dine. I did meet some from Slidell, but it took so long for him to communicate, I lost interest.

Ultimately, I believe no love will be found through internet dating.

Be patient, wait on the Lord!.

Three Down, One More to Go!

Thank you God,

Isaac graduated yesterday evening from Stone High School. The past year and a half has been turmoil with him. I was both glad and proud to see him in his cap and gown.

I pray for him, Casini and Dorian everyday to you Lord to cover and keep them from harm, hurt and danger. Scripture says we do not fight against flesh but against evil spirits. I believe that so, Lord. I just never thought some of those spirit we be so close amongst my children. The jealousy and envy, I could never have foreseen.

Even still today, the treachery of my mother and sister completely blind-sides me. Yet, Lord I find myself praying for them always.

Your Word says to be patient and wait on You. I'm really trying Lord. I am really powerless to do anything else.

I love you Lord always.
Yo

Teenagers! Augh!!!!

God always sends you what you need. I'm always asking my daughter, Ree, what's on her mind. She's seems so quiet and GRUMPY! Lord, don't ask her if she's has an attitude about something ... you'll see and hear it! I respond most of the time probably inappropriately ... by yelling back and asking what did I do to you!!!!!?

Today, an article, "How Can I Get My Teenage Son to Open Up?" It can't be that much difference between a son and daughter????! Can it?

Thank you God!

I'm 180lbs! Ten to fifteen pounds to go by June 16th! Yay me!

Thank you God for Camp Shelby

God,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I would have and had to have stayed at McDs until I found another job. My unemployment ended when I reported that I was "gainfully" employed. I would not be eligible to have those benefits reinstituted because I quit or got fired .... which may have happened eventually. How long could I have sustained that front of excitement and contentment??????

Well, the day before I accepted McD's, Camp Shelby called with an offer for a cashier position at the PX. I said yes. While waiting for the background check, I did manage to survive seven (7) days. When HR from Keesler Air Force Base called to say that the background was completed, boy was I elated. Although they did stipulate that the position would pay far less than McD's salaried manager.

Sometimes it about quality of life! Although I'm making minumum wage of $7.50/hr. My body is no longer suffering. I do get to talk with people, the soldiers and am not on a stop watch! Who knows but God where this simple but worthy position may lead.

Humble thyself. Be a servant.

Thank you God for Camp Shelby,
Yolanda