From the Mouth of Babes

Hello God,

At breakfast Ree asked how would I feel when my mother died and knowing that we had not made peace. She asked wouldn't that make me sad.

Of course, I told her but wanted such of relationship with her all my life, probably as long as she is old if not more.

Spoke with eldest son last night and he said he had thoughts of the same. I just can't get passed it. His incarceration had placed such a hardening in my heart for her. And now, it has spread to my sister which is very much a surprise.

I always believed that before I would do harm, I would leave him/her alone. I can't imagine doing harm to any one's child. My niece means so much to me to see her excel and become the successful woman, wife and mother ... if that's her dream. Part of support her dreams is not being a hindrance. Recognizing when she may be straying or heading towards danger ... and letting her parents know the same. But definitely, not becoming part of the problem.

In bible study this week, Beth Moore's the Patriarchs, we focused on Genesis 37. Here we learn where Joesph's brothers plotted to kill him out of jealousy but instead decided to sell him into slavery. Such a betrayal of love.

But later we find out .... Joesph held no animosity towards his brother. That's the place I need to reach.

My son says he prays for the healing of my mom's and my relationship. I know, if I don't do this for myself, I need to do this for my children. I believe I have a wonderful relationship with them. If nothing else, I pray for that curse to be broken. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

I learned that when there's hatred in a home ... it has to be dealt with. God can change any family from the inside out. God can remove violence from any home.

There's scarring on my heart. Psalms 55:4-8, 12-14, 20-21, speaks to the betrayal of the ones close to you. The wounds of an enemy is no way as scarring as the wounds of someone close to you, close to your heart.

Beth Moore suggest there may be four (4) reasons no apology:
1. They are oblivious that it has even occured in my eyes.
2. They are unwilling (power-driven).
3. Unable to give an apology.
4. God's unwilling.

Like Joesph, I always as a daughter and big sister, wanted to be a role-model and looked for their approval, respect, mercy, possibly their appreciation, an finally their welfare. There's nothing that either could ask, in my power, that I wouldn't do for either one.

I pray God that you deliver me from this harden heart. Better you break me where I have harden; rather than I snap and lose my mind and spirit.

In Jesus' precisous name,
your daughter,
Yo