Promiscuity. This entry is for my daughter.
I always want her to know the truth and learn from what life lessons have taught me. She read my blog today and commented, respectfully, that she thought is sounded as if I "got around". Thus, the reason for defining promiscuity.
I told her, no ... and she knows that I don't "get around" but that this blog is about making decision-making .... to say "no" even when you want to say "yes". She thought my fantasing of kissin the Major during my first encounter with him at the gas station was "gross". But that's what makes it a fantasy ... you think, imagine, but you don't!
One day, she will have an "at first" encounter and hopefully she will, as much as she may be attracted, say, "NO". Then perhaps she remember my blog entry and understand.
I wished I had said "No" to her father! I could have detoured from those years. I love my children but the relationship that got them here .... was definitely a turn to go down the stairs .... Dark brown, muscular, 240-255lbs., 6'2" ... naturally, without working out! My family jokingly called him, Jethro. Remember the Beverly Hill Billies! Within three months of our meeting, I was pregnant with Isaac. Two years later, with Ree. If I had waited ... met his family, his habits ...
I hope that what I give her is a mom that's interested in her dreams and aspirations. When you graduate at age 16, only pushing yourself so that you can get out of your mother's house, never really feeling like you had a home. Home being where the heart is. Never felt "the heart" of my mom. Don't remember kisses and hugs or "I love you" on the way out of door. I hope Ree knows that there is no one on this earth more important to me that her and her siblings. I would give my life for them. Sometimes, it feels as if I have.
She must didn't read the entry about instituting the Steve Harvey rule from his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. The believe Steve gives a lot of good dating advice for women.
One rule ... perhaps ... RULE #1: WAIT ON SEX! Steve suggest waiting 3-6 months ... by then you will get to know the stuff that you wouldn't have gotten to know waiting 3-6 days or 3-6 weeks! Meet his family, meet his friends!
An excerpt from the book: Although I linked it above .... I believe its worth the cut & paste!
"As an auto plant worker, Steve says he had to wait 90 days to receive benefits—and says the same probation period should apply to dating. "In 90 days they checked me out. They determined if I was easy to work with, if I got along well with others, if I showed up when I said I was going to show up, if I was worthy."
Women, Steve says, hold the greatest benefit of all—the cookie—so there's no reason to give it away until you know your man deserves it. "Slow down, ladies," Steve says. "Look, you cannot run us off."
So what if you don't want to wait 90 days? Steve says if you change the probation period, you do so at your own risk. "You all keep changing the rules. And men are aware of the fact that you are changing the rules. We're aware of the fact that you act desperate. We're aware of the fact that you think there's a good shortage of good men out there," he says."
Respect and love thyself!
There's no shortage, but you do have to do some weeding! That's all I'm doing ... weeding ... intuition. A dinner here, lunch there ... A cup of coffee at Waffle House. I like to feel and hear his conversation ... his opinions. Intuition.
I hope she waits for the right one. The one that cares about whether or not at the end of the day is she okay, are her needs met, did he make her smile at least once during her day. Don't settle. Never settle for a 3! Get to know him, get to know his family, his friends ... his ways and beliefs will come out. Make an informed decision not just an emotional one.
I love you very much Ree. I hope to learn something about myself over this year's journey of discovery. Support my journey.
You're 16 and entering your junior year. You will probably have your first boyfriend this year ... junior prom ... preparing for your senior year ... ROTC, COLLEGE, maybe the Delayed Entry Program into the Air Force ... you have choices. Just take your time ... take a breath ... think about if first .... it can wait until tomorrow.
You're about the leave the house to begin your own life's journey and I will be left to continue mines.
My wish for you is peace, love and happiness. Take your time ... have fun, enjoy life. Make sure he's a friend first. Nothing serious until after you finish college then perhaps you will be ready for a longterm relationship .... not marriage .... not yet!
I love you Lord for this opportunity to speak to my daughter who is young lady and becoming a young woman. Lead and guide her, Father.
I love you,
Yo
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