Good morning God,
How could I have been so stupid ....
June 7th to come home and find my husband with all furniture and his personal belongings moved out.
August 20th, by this time I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom. I come down to shower and find the bedroom door locked. I should have turned around and went back upstairs but I knocked. Sean, "What the fuck you want?" I simply wanted to take my shower and put on pjs. Go back upstairs. Too simple. Sean still running his mouth from this afternoon. The bitches, whores, leach, you come from a line of whores, your mother's a whore, your sister a whore, your children's father's, your son's .... and it continued.
As I'm leaving the bedroom, Sean slaps me on the buttocks, and then raises his foot and kicks me in my buttocks telling me to get out of my bedroom. I turned around to slap him. Sean caught my arm with his right arm and punched me in the jaw on the left side of my face with his left fist. After that no memory of how I got on the bed with him on top of me ... strangling with both hands around my throat. I fought to get him off of me, to get him to let loose. That face looking at me that I've seen before. Angry,hate, evil. I grad at his chain holding his marine medallion causing it to break. He let go.
I hurried out of the room and called the Jackson Police Department. Three officers arrived. All black, one older female, one older male - he had responded to an earlier call at the rental property, and a younger male. The older male took pictures of my neck with his cell phone and left out the front door. Sean was outdoors. While waiting, the younger male officer asked what I wanted to do. I told him that I needed for Sean to be taken into custody. He needed to be hospitalized. His response. Choking is a felony. If we arrest him, you'll have to go the hospital, speak to a detective, he'll be charged and will probably lose his VA benefits ... you don't want that do you? Whatever it takes to get my husband the help that he needs. His response, Well if you press charges, he will probably press charges and both of you will go to jail. What do you want to do? I want to press charges. He said he was going to get the report paperwork. When he returned, he said there's a change of plans. We are pressing charges against both of you. He has a scratch that looks like a defensive wound but we can't determine that. So, you are being arrested also.
We were charged with a 24-Hour Domestic hold. Since it was Saturday, I did not go before a judge till Monday morning. Sean sitting on the bench. When he went before the judge, I told up beside him. When we sat down waiting our release papers, he apologizes for all that transpired. My arrest, being locked up in prison ... I told him it would be alright. He needed help. I did not get released until Monday night. 24 hours turned into 3 days. The peace only lasts ever ... for a couple of days ... there's never any real change. Maybe because I haven't prayed for any, never prayed for him.
Barbara calling at 12:30 am in the middle of the night. He swipes to voicemail.
Stephanie calling at 4:30 am. He swipes to voicemail.
Now he taking calls out back.
Now he making calls from his car.
Almost 30 days .... Each time he escalates ... go ahead ... call the police .... you will go to jail with me. That truth now keeps me from calling for help.
Saturday, August 17th. I come in from the beauty school about 1:00pm with Jackie. If looks could kill both of us would be dead. I told him, I came back to get my wallet and then to the grocery store. I came back about 4 and he was there. Fuck you. Don't talk to me. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I just turned around with the groceries in hand and left. Went to Thomas' and just sat there. About an hour later, I returned home and went to the guest bedroom. Later he comes up, naked wanting to get in bed with me. No, leave me alone ... go back downstairs. Leave me alone. Get out. Go back downstairs. Sean, I'm not staying. Will you scratch my back? I scratched his back. Put lotion on him. Then crawled back into bed. He left. Later he returned about 11pm to say his son, Miles was in the emergency room. I got out of bed. He said Miles complained of a sore throat and went to the ER.
Sunday morning, Sean got up as usual 4am and left for the gym about 5am. Sean didn't return 10pm. I was already in the guestroom, asleep when he busted in, cutting on the lights, asking the whereabouts of the potted plants in the living room. I told him they were outside on the front draining from where I watered them. Sean screaming and shouting to leave things alone that I didn't buy. I walked outside behind him and knocked them over. Sean raised his fist to hit me. I said go ahead hit me again. He stopped in mid-air, looked in my face and spat in my face. Nasty, disrespectful. Evil.
God, I can't find anything in me to pray for him. I don't hate him. But this is more than PTSD ... there is something more to this type of abusive behavior he displays.
I angry with myself for trying to stick with this and now have this pending charge against me.
My heart hurts Lord. I feel like a thorn is there .... always hurting. Some days more than others.
Love you,
Yo
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