Desire, A Longing

 God,

I have known the security of arms that surrounded me with strength, providing me an enveloping sense of comfort and safety. I could sleep, slumber next to him.

I know how every worry can be made into peace laying together holding each other, walking and holding of hands, in the car holding hands or resting on him somewhere, his on my thigh, and gentle kisses that says I'm here ... right in front of you. I got you.

I got you. The words whether man or woman ... is what we desire and long for.

It's unconditional and steadfast. At least, that's what I believed and trusted.

When its no longer there ... it leaves a void, an emptiness, a pain, a disbelief. My body goes into withdrawal; it feels him missing. 

God,

My prayer is that you heal me. There's no greater love than yours. It's kind, gentle, sensual, honest, unconditional; it's all.

I am so grateful knowing  that your love will never forsake me. 

Your love never hurts, gives pain, or betrays.

God, Your Word says there no greater gift than love.

God, bless me a steadfast, uncompromising, unconditional -  love like yours. 

New Garments

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE:

"Provide for those who grieve…a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:3, NIV

 

TODAY'S WORD:

Do you need a new garment today? Not a new physical garment, but what's covering your mind and emotions. Are you clothed with despair and disappointment? Are you wearing “heaviness?” If you’ve gone through a hurtful situation, the Bible says there is a time to grieve, and it’s important to release that hurt to the Lord. But the Bible also tells us that God wants to give you a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness and despair.

Are the garments of yesterday weighing you down and holding you back? It’s time for a new garment. The garment of praise is light and filled with peace and joy. Don’t carry those heavy burdens around anymore. Choose to forgive those who have hurt you and praise God for what He’s doing in your life today. Thank Him for restoring you, even if you don’t see it yet. Just like this verse says, you will be as strong and secure as a tall oak tree, displaying His splendor all the days of your life!

PRAYER FOR TODAY:

"Heavenly Father, I come to You today and ask that You take off my old, heavy garments of despair and heaviness. Make me new today. Give me a garment of praise so that I can display Your glory and splendor in Jesus’ name. Amen."

Praise God! Have a blessed day!❤️

In Jesus name,

Amen, Yo

“Why think separately of this life than the next, when one is born from the last? Time is always too short for those who need it, but for those who love, it lasts forever.” 

Ridiculousness

Good morning God,

It's 12:02am, awake and unable to sleep as has been a condition since my mom's transition. 

A couple of weeks ago, I received a text from my husband. "Undoubtedly you are seeing someone." What the heck are you talking about I replied.

I tried calling him twice. No answer. I sent a text. Tried calling. 

Sean sends another text. Not remembering it all, except ... "....so I can get rid of you and you can get rid of me ..." Who sends such a text?

I've stopped saving Sean's texts. 

Reminds me of when he sent the divorce papers, my name misspelled, as a response to my not signing the refinance paperwork. 

When I did speak to Sean, I reiterated that I had not asked or prayed to "get rid of him." It was my hope that he would remember why he married me. I did remind and promise him if God saw fit to dissolve this marriage, I would be obedient. 

I will continue to be a good wife till then. In my obedience, I hope to be blessed with a husband that loves me, protects me, teaches me, and provides for me. 

Surely, if and when that prayer of happiness is answered,  I promise Sean will the first call I make. 

From my heart to God's ear,

Yo

CLOSED DOORS

 Good morning, God!

Father God, thank You so much for every shut door that You did not allow me to reopen and for all of the open doors that You blessed me to go through.   Amen

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”  Isaiah 30:21

“Consider when God closed that door, He knew you deserved so much more.”  Doors open and doors shut in life.  There have been times in my life when I stepped up to a door excited about the possibilities of what was on the other side.  All was good until I stepped back outside the door. Suddenly, it shut behind me and there was no reopening it.  That surprised me because I was sure this was the right move.  I did not understand what was happening.  Before I was knowledgeable enough in the Word, I would get frustrated because I was pretty sure this idea, vision, thought or dream was from God.  He is not a cruel God who blesses us and then snatches it from us.  I have heard people say they were given things and then the giver either threw it up in your face repeatedly until you just returned it,  or they asked for it back. 

That is so not how God blesses us.  He wants to bless us with good.  He wants to prosper us.  He wants us to be happy and at peace and He wants it to all be permanent.  If a door opens and then shuts, it may just be that the timing is off or you are just not in the place God needs you to be to go through that door.  Yes, it hurts when that open door you have been waiting on shuts but here is the deal.  Never look at it as a bad thing.  

Thank God that I have someone who can see beyond the natural and knows what is good and not good for me because for me, those shut doors were right on point.  They should have been shut.  Amen!

Have a blessed day!❤️

I love you always,  Yo

INTEGRITY VS LOYALTY

 Good morning God,

Good Friday to all

Loyalty, in general use, is a devotion and faithfulness to a nation, cause, philosophy, country, group, or person. Philosophers disagree on what can be an object of loyalty, as some argue that loyalty is strictly interpersonal and only another human being can be the object of loyalty.

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. 

God, I pray you continue to guide me in a life that exemplifies a life lived with integrity. Loyalty, it sounds like a good character trait ... but what I've just experienced ... I rather have persons around me whose character leads them, and not because:

We've, Friend 1 and Friend 2, known each since we were kids ... we were so close as kids, I (Friend 1) was always at his (Friend 2) house, we shared the same bathtub at 4 years old.  His family, his mom looked out for me. We're brothers in every sense of the word, except by blood.

Integrity says that you will lead with your conscious, with a sense of right or wrong ... whether you know the person or not, whether someone's looking or you alone ... You do the right thing even when no ones looking.

Friend 1 asked me to befriend Friend 2. Friend 2, is wheelchair bound and had been a really good friend to Mom. They needed each other's company. I tried to give support to his friend, just as I did for my Mom. Putting the support services in place where I saw gaps: occupational therapy, CNA services, psychiatric services, food delivery, and GOOD nurses - not the ones who only work when someone's looking. I was asked by Friend 2 to contact Relative 1 (brother) bringing him up to speed on Friend 2 medical, home health services, legal matters, etc. This was me passing the baton to Relative 1, after Friend 1 refused to take it. 

Friend 2 talks up Relative 1 describing a man of good character, a pillar in the community, ol'school, and showing up as real man. Friend 2 - I can't wait for you to meet my brother. When Friend 1 learns of the introduction, he feels Friend 2 has been disloyal to orchestrate the exchanging numbers, believing there's an alternate agenda. 

Friend 1 began, in anger, spewing insults about Relative 1, then retracting them ... I shouldn't have said that. I mistook this as jealousy, followed by what I thought was remorse .... Aesop's Fable, Sour Grapes. Later, learning that I was mistaken. It was loyalty. Loyalty to Friend 2.  

Relative 1 showed no interest in his brother.. Integrity. To date, Relative 1 hasn't pick it up either.

I was never a consideration of neither. I only cared about Friend 1. For 2 months, he refused to speak to me. I thought we were more than that. He broke my heart; he broke my spirit. In a matter of minutes I became "irrelevant."

Friend 1 argued disloyalty, yet: you are a serial cheater in your past and present relationships. Have you ever had an honest relationship where you didn't cheat? No

Why did I expect respect and integrity from you? Loyalty vs Integrity. 

I would later learn from the spouse (Relative 2) of Friend 2 that Relative1 was an abuser with a history of physically beating up his second wife on multiple occasions, taking money from women - Friend 2's nurses ... having them send/wire money then ghost them, never paying them back. Integrity vs Loyalty.

The comments Friend 1 had started to warn me of, but decided in the moment that his loyalty to Friend 2 was more important than his integrity as a man: a Protector, a Provider, a Teacher. He missed a moment of redemption for past transgressions. 

I was suppose to be Friend 3 to Friend 1. Friend 1's loyalty to Friend 2 kept him from seeing me as a vulnerable woman, his mother, his daughter, his sister that was walking towards harm's way, and decided to retract what had actually been truthful, ethically leading, acting with integrity, and deciding to turn a blind-eye to what could have potentially happend when no one was watching. I could have ended up in the hospital or dead, trying to assist Friend 1's friend.Thank you God.

God, you protect me when no ones does or cares to do the same for me. You've protected me from Sean. Thank you. You protected me from yet what could have ended in tragedy, deceit, and preyed upon.

I haven't shared what Relative 2 told me. There's no need. Friend 1 wasn't a friend any longer at the moment he retracted what would have been a warning; the right thing to do. 

I write it here.

As always, I love you Jesus and thank you for sacrificing Your life for me. I believe in Your resurrection.

Jesus lives!

Yo