Closer to Being Farther from the Past

Hi God,

Thank you so very much. Getting around to getting this implant and saying good-bye to the fist in the mouth by one. Good-bye Doc. I should have let him leave that day. I pulled him back from walking out the door. Nope, kept him from leaving and this is what I got.

So, many times you have opened a door to advance me and/or protect me from others ... and myself.

I had the dead tooth pulled last December 2016. Then the flipper. Today, the anchor! In 120 days the final tooth.

Moving farther from the past!

Am I a Ladder or Rope

Dear God,

Do I show Casini, Dorian, Isaac how to get out ... a ladder. Or, am I allowing them to pull on me to get out of their mess ... a rope.

Casini is doing well.

Dorian is trying. Until he understands himself, he'll continue to struggle because this barrier is keep him from being successful. He has what it takes to be successful.

Isaac, is lost. Lost, rejects all assistance. But is willing to beg.

When Is the First Time You Remember?

Hi God,

Ivanla's #FIXMYLIFE, I didn't catch the episode number but it's about a husband who admits his abuse. Ivanla asks the wife why do you stay? How do you lay next to someone that chokes you, calls you the vulgar of names .... My story

Ivanla's discussion with her where she suggests this is not the first time a man has put their hands on you. Question to the wife, "When is the first time a man put his hands on you?" When she was 4 and was molested.

When was the first time I remember a man putting his hands on me. Joe Lonesome, I'll never forget his name. No molestation but very violent. He was violent with mom .... he was violent with me ... and she, mom, forgave him, protected him. She betrayed me by not protecting me.

Next time, my grandfather. Gee and I were home alone.  Gee had one of the neighborhood boys in the house. We sat in the living room talking. When daddy came home, we all were scared. I remember telling him ... she didn't do anything, they were just talking. Against the bathroom door I was pushed. Daddy put his hands around my neck while telling me that she was his daughter. I was not to tell him anything about what to do with her.

Then there's my husband, Sean. When people show you who they are ... believe them! When they say they're meaner than anyone I would have known or will ever know.

One Week Ago Today

Dear God,

Sharon Graves Grover "researched" me .... Now, I've researched her: husband, Reginald and 3 grown daughters.

How does the side-bitch research the wife? Why? She was curious ...  What did she expect to find? Did she think about ... what if this was done to me ... vindictive ... that's what she called me ... I had the propensity to be vindictive ... I sent her husband and daughter's the text messages.

Called JoAnn. Let her know Sean didn't move to Florida ... he still here in Jackson.

The names change: Stephanie, Liza, Alice, JoAnn ... it remains the same. All believing Sean is single.

Went to church, came home. And it was on .... I'm so angry about the betrayal, the lies, the lack of compassion.

Sean spat in my face .... twice.

Anger ... cause I contacted Alice and Joann. He promised Alice I wouldn't contact her husband ... she can text and whatever and more with mines ... unchecked.

He took the cable from me. Told me to get the rest of my clothes out of the master bedroom. He dumped my clothes on the floor. Sean told me not to move the dresser guest room where I've been sleeping. He watched me move it by myself to Miles' room. Stood there and watched.

He kept on running his mouth. I threw away the plate dinner from McDade's.  The name calling. I emptied his medication on the floor. His stuff. Sean hates to have his "stuff" violated. If you could care for me half as much.

Sean called the police. Wanting one of us to leave ... Sean refused. I refused. Then the talk of going to jail. Sean said it was okay with him ... just to see me go. Hell no, not again. I left. I will always leave from now on. He said he had nothing to lose. He would go to jail to ruin my life.

What kind of sick shit is that?

He's a punk ass bitch. Not a soldier. Not a protector. Not a husband. Not a friend.

God, if this is the place where I am suppose to be ... then, please chasten and change Sean's heart. If not, please open a door so I may leave with everything restored.

I thank you God for all things. Thank you for my Lord Jesus, the Christ.

Alice Graves Grover - Side Bitch!

James 4:8

 8Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners,and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn, and weep.

God,

Today, when I arrive home from church. Again ... assaulted with vile language.

"Don't ever get hit by a car. For me, you would be just like a dog, road kill on the side of the road. Nothing. I would feel nothing.

Your a bitch. Your mammy's a bitch.

I clap when you leave. I'm sick to my stomach when you come in from work."

Yo

God - Fix My Life

God,

I heard it today ... Sean, I experience you as a violent aggressor.
My husband dishonors me with foul language and aggression.

How do you mistreat your gift from God. Your beloved.

Who I am matters.
What I think matters.


What else is there to say. That sums it up.

Yolanda