At the Head of the Line ... There's No One to Follow

Hi God, Father,

At the Head of the Line, the oldest, there's no one to follow to show me how ... Having to learn on my own without guidance.

This is a cycle I am working hard on the daily to break on behalf of my children.

With your help Father and Jesus, I can do all things ... in You who strengthen me ...

With all love,
Yo

You're Are As Sick as Your Secrets

Hi Father,

I get the titles for post feeling, knowing, there's a story.

There's a new saying, "Living in your truth." I feel that just another way to discuss .... integrity, honest, reputation.

"Living in your truth" may just confuse someone. Being transparent. Keep it simple. Tell the truth.

Love,
Yo

He is "An Unmade Bed"

God,

I heard that in a show or movie ... something.

An unmade bed .... 

It messy, unkept .... no one dies from laying in an unmade bed. What will it do to me?

Love always,
Yo

Put Voice to the Hurt

Hi God,

Putting my voice to the hurt is this blog. I took if off line when Sean's friend searched me. I felt she exploited by my blog and me.

I've brought it back up .... so, let's continuing our discussions.

Thank you,
Yo

A Simple Note

Good Morning God!

Yesterday, which just seems like earlier today ... it is after midnight. Not waking until after 10am.

My husband had already left the house. Today, he did something he has NEVER offered before.

A note: "Gone To The Gym". A small but hugely thoughtful gesture.

And .... he cut the heat on before he left! He never cuts the heat on ... I'll be shaking like a chihuahua.

God ... Maybe there's hope. There's always hope with You!

Love you always and ever,
Yo

Acknowledge All Things for the good of God's People

Hi God,

Sean made the statement that all I had is because of him .... hmmm, I've heard that before, Michael McGrady, who stated over dinner that I wouldn't be where I am (FEMA) if it wasn't for him.

Now, my husband is saying the same. Yet, I do agree. I believe his 10 points veteran preference that I use probably got me the interview with the VA. But I did the interview.

I went to make coffee and got the creamer out of the fridge, that he brought for me the day I came home from FEMA. He took the unopened container from me and poured it down the drain. The unopened bag of Dunkin' Donut coffee, opened and emptied in the trash.

All I can do is shake my head. I took the machine back but felt guilty that I had stooped to his level.  I apologized for the reaction and wanted him to have this for the sake of his health. He's suppose to wear his Cpap machine every night ... to breathe.

God whatever Your will is for my life, I thank You in advance.

Yo

Being Comfortable with the Silence ..... Treatment, LoL

Hi God,

What would I do without you .... I really don't know and don't want to know.

It's been a little over two weeks now. No hello, good-bye, questions, barely wants to answer any.

He's absolutely ridiculous.                   

Got a cpap sterilization machine for Valentine's Day. Did he deserve it .... NO! But, do I deserve all that YOU do for ME!? NO.

I guess the phone ringing at 3:30am in the morning was a thank-you call. I didn't answer. Take yourself out of your bitterness, come upstairs, and see thank you in person. Didn't happen until the next morning. He mulled around the question waiting .... we I came downstairs, he offered a thank-you for the machine.

Back to his usual! He's either locked up in his room until I leave which is pretty much everyday! Or, he steps out ... which is unusual and sits in the living room to watch television.

Silence ... is so much better than the bitch, whore, leaches!

The 5:30pm to 2am shift at the VA is tough. Not on a sleeping schedule yet. But, even this is an opportunity for me to escape the evening confrontations.

So, again ... it's YOUR plan. I am an ACTIVE participant Lord God. Continue to give me discernment and vision.

Thank you so very much,
Yo