Hurdle Two .... and Over!

Hello Lord,

The past two days .... incredibly stessfull but I survived. Thank you.

Dorian being locked up for Failure to Appear! Traffic tickets!!!! He's learning. His girlfriend bailed him out. This is the first time I haven't had to put up the money. Thank you.

FEMA's deposition done. Ms. Russell represented me well. Thank you.

44 came by the store to say good-bye .... 5-weeks ... the life of a soldier. Not the way I wanted to say good-bye. It's better than him leaving and not seeing him at all.

Past 90 days, as of October 24th, I am wondering how he's feeling about me.

I have invitations to dinner but have declined. In the past, I would have considered as a potential transfer point. Bail from the unsure! Start fresh with the brand new feeling of relationship and attraction.

44 said the first 90 days are when you experience the euphoria of the new person, new attraction, heightened sexual energy and lust ... then the shiny starts to dull and you begin to see the person as they really are ... are they deal breakers???? or points of negotiation, compromise or simply a communication message yet to be communicated. I hope to have a conversation with 44 when he returns.

I'm reading a book entitled, "His Need, Her Needs .. Building an Affair Proof Marriage. Basically, it keeping the feeling you felt the 90 days for the duration of the relationship. Securing "the relationship" will be for the rest of one's life. I want the dinner dates to be with him, the intimate conversations to be with him, disappointments and achievements with him, the name placed in the spot "In Case of Emergency" All of that ... for him.

Lord, you have kept me close my entire life. Thank you.

With all my heart,
Yo

This could have been me! Not! Rickie Lake????

Boy, looking at what happened to them ... I was blessed :)

Woman scammed by seniorpeoplemeet.com.

See my earlier post!

Hear about Rickie Lake's internet dating scare!!! OMG

Candidate for Arizona's Governor!! I'm in good company LOLOL

44 & Counting

Good Morning God,

First let me thank you for all that you do for me. All that you've done and will continue to for one of your fledgling ... Can you be this @ 50 ... I think so ....I hope so.

44 has my stomach is knots ... better said, putting the responsibility where it belongs ... I have my stomach in knots when it comes to 44. His birthday is Thursday .... I guess I'll be calling him 45 :)

God, I so don't trust my judgement when it comes to men and relationships.

I think Sean may be correct in some way or another when he expressed his fear that when I begin to feel some adversity in the relationship or with the person ... I bail! Gone out the door. Cut my losses before I am in too deep.

But there is where I want to be ... deep in love .... To have that emotional security. Perhaps that's why Chicago and I became such good friends ... he always had an ear and shoulder available for me and without judgement. Chicago would always say ... I not here because of how you feel about me, it's about how I feel about you.

Having longterm relationships ... two ..... one in my twenties which gave me Casini and Dorian and then the other in my thirties resulting in Isaac and Maurie. Really didn't prepare me for the life commitment that I am desiring.

I'm not sure how much to talk to 44 about, how much to share, how much to expose ... I'm back to desiring the place or space for emotional security within the context of the relationship.

What I have done ... is not bailed. I want to talk it out. I want to know his thoughts.

Women do like to talk. We want him to actively listen. 44 does. I glad of that. His Needs ... Her Needs devotes an entire chapter on it.

44 will be gone for 5 weeks. Perhaps I will know more upon his return ...

I have to find a hobby or interest so I'm not making this man my world. I don't want to smother him or lose my own individuality.

God, a pray for peace of spirit and fulfillment.

Love you always,
Yo