Turning Point - My Happiness Project

Hi God,

I get some many messages from people: Bennett, Ree, Casini, Nancy, Joel Olsteen, my Facebook friends, my relatives and just people I come in contact with on a daily basis: Yolanda, my wish for you is to be happy, take time out for you, learn about you.

 

So, Nancy has left for Kuwait and now I am in West Virginia ... an unfamiliar land with unfamiliar people. Now, this part isn't knew but I think there's a challenge of  being in the mountain in the middle of winter. But I guess it doesn't have to be a challenge ....

So, starting this weekend ... I have to try something new ... a new dish, a new restaurant, a new place never travelled to .... just something but it has to be a new experience.

Thank you God for this opportunity and the happiness!

Yo

My Three Sons

Hi God,

I don't write about Cini, Dori and Ike; probably, because it is a highly emotionally charged conversation. I do need to do this and its coming.

Cini - Incarcerated.

Dori - Standing on his own two while struggling with probation and its impact.

Ike - Standing on his own two while waiting for a pending domestic charge to run its course.

Each hard-headed in their own way. Today, there's is a "must" from my heart for them and letting go to "their way".

God, they're in your Hands. I love them all as a mother will.

My heart hurts for them,

Always,
Yo

West Virginia - First Week's End

Hi God,

For good or bad, I'm here. Not sure if by life's choice or demand ... but a change was necessary.

First time living on someone else's dime and time. Grateful for the invitation but it is a bit intense and uncomfortable for me. Never lived with anyone, now as a in-kind boarder. That maybe harsh.

Trying to minimize my "stuff" so not to overcrowd her space.

Went to church today, Barrackville West Virginia, Barrackville United Methodist Church ... it was a bit sad. The entire gathering must be over the age of 60 ... one single young person who looked about 10-12 who was an alter girl ... if there were any more ... I didn't see them. Yet, they weren't sad at all ... very grateful for life and aspire to continue to work for the Lord on behalf of others. Everyone was very welcoming ... shaking my hand ... plenty of smiles ....

Next week, we'll visit another church.

Lord, I haven't heard from Bennett in about a week which is not unusual considering his behavior before leaving for Afghanistan. I pray that You, Lord, keep him safe.

Today, got a little feelings hurt. Bennett and Ree would say I just need to toughen up. Probably shouldn't be. Just an adjustment to make in the future. She left without saying good-bye or where she was going. The same issue that Bennett and I encountered during my visit. Went for the walk in the park that we spoke of earlier. Felt that I had to much going on to go. I don't like people making decisions for me. Felt like a child being grounded.

She commented that perhaps I needed to remain "grounded" because I got a lot done. She was laughing but you know the old saying about there being a little truth in every joke. She may be feeling crowded by my stuff in the garage. Seems a bit passive aggressive. I'm going to continue to get my stuff out of her way. I do want to be a good houseguest while I'm here. Perhaps, we shouldn't do to much together then I wouldn't feel this way. Maybe she feels crowded. Later, she offered the rational that may occur when you are used to living alone, to just get up and leave. That seems about right.

I'll talk with you later. Need to get the living room cleaned up.

Love you always,
Yo

The Hills and Turns of West Virginia

The Journey begins: Leaves the shores of the most southern coast
to the mountains

With Harriett Tubman, we will travel to the North
for new life beginnings

What more confirmation do I need!!

He Loves Me!

God,

He said it! I know, I know ... he's said before. But this time, in an email ... I know that I know that 44 loves me! I am so happy. I want him more and more with every breath!

From:	bdub
To:	Yo
Subject:	Re: Ree's on her way
Date:	Sat, Aug 31, 2013 3:43 am

---

I Love You Too Sexy

From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Saturday, August 31, 2013 4:35 AM
Subject: Re: Ree's on her way

I love you Mr. Wilson

Sent via ZTE Warp on Boost Mobile

bdub  wrote:

>

Keep in touch

From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Saturday, August 31, 2013 3:12 AM
Subject: Re: Ree's on her way

Leaving MS. Everything closed out.

Sent via ZTE Warp on Boost Mobile

bdub  wrote:

She is a big girl now

From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Tuesday, August 6, 2013> 3:40 AM
Subject: Ree's on her way

Thank you, Yo

>>>>>>

 

>>>>>>

I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ^{Dedicated to MSG.Wilson while on deployment to Afghanistan..}

>>

>>

 

Michael Korrs Brings Out the Sexy!

---

-----Original Message-----
From: bdub
To: Yo
Sent: Fri, Aug 23, 2013 3:01 am
Subject: Re: Come N Get Me

Make it do what it do than

____________________________________________________________

 

From:	Yo
To:	bdub
Subject:	Re: Come N Get Me
Date:	Thu, Aug 22, 2013 11:31 am

---

You're my business to know! 

When I was making the $, I needed to conserve as a parent. You met me during tough times. 

Now, I am about both the man and the career. Now, I can turn it up to get what I want.


Sent from my personalized C Spire Wireless Samsung Galaxy S

____________________________________________________________________

bdub wrote:

Thats Hot! My style

________________________________________________________________________

From:	Yo
To:	bdub
Subject:	Come N Get Me
Date:	Wed, Aug 21, 2013 3:57 pm
Attachments:	2013-08-21_15.01.40.jpg (230K)

---

Now, this is for you. And job interviews! Heels, thong, and earrings.

 Sent from my personalized C Spire Wireless Samsung Galaxy S
______________________________________________________________

From:	Yo
To:	bdub
Subject:	Re:
Date:	Wed, Aug 21, 2013 12:14 pm

Pics coming

Sent from my personalized C Spire Wireless Samsung Galaxy S

 ____________________________________________________________________

From:
bdub
To:
Yo
Subject:
Re:
Date:
Wed, Aug 21, 2013 11:52 am

U right

_______________________________________________________





From: Yo
To: bdub 
Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2013 11:18 AM
Subject: Re: 

Ambition and sexy .... Keeps your dick hard

Sent from my personalized C Spire Wireless Samsung Galaxy S

_________________________________________________

bdub wrote:

What! You stepping up yo Game? Its nice and pink
 
_________________________________________________________________

From: Yo

To: Bdub
Sent: Tuesday, August 20, 2013 10:51 AM
Subject: 
  

Do you like this one? Pink <3

Sent from my personalized C Spire Wireless Samsung Galaxy S

Maybe He Doesn't Know How to be a Boyfriend

From:	bdub
To:	Yo
Subject:	Re: Navy Letter
Date:	Mon, Aug 19, 2013 3:39 am

---

Great! Got it all and using this time to sort thru thing can be the blessing that is needed. Not everyone has courage and glad you are using it for future gains. Love the ambition and that are the tools needed for me to climb the latter. Don't like how things ended but its the best for both to grow. Go thru your journey and we will stay in touch. Keep your head in the game and im rooting for a home run  to success. Got it so do Your Thing.

 

Mr. W

 

From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Sunday, August 18, 2013 6:46 AM
Subject: Re: Navy Letter

Why stay in place: no friends, no family, working two dead end jobs and pay rent in a place which provided stability for the daughter that has now moved on with adulthood?

The PX wanted me to choose between the two jobs, Now, they are cutting the hours again. Said they need someone to be able to work split days not just the weekend. If I'm going to quit one ... why not quit both and move on! Once Ree was gone ... I asked why am I staying here?

With the sale of the truck and all of the furnishings, except my artwork and a couple of other items ... It will be much easier to move to the next level ... wherever that is. I'm not going to find it here in Wiggins, Hattiesburg or Gulfport. The $8,000.00 is from the sales ... so I haven't had to touch my savings.

 

Nancy, offered when you were here. It may be for a month, couple of months .... there are millions of soldiers returning unemployed. Being closer to DC area will hopefully help me In the job market. She says there 3% unemployment in Morgantown. I've forwarded my resume to her. She left FEMA and is working in Veteran's Affairs at the VA Hospital.

 

I am very committed to the promise I've made to you and myself ... to start a journey of self-discovery. Who is Yo when she has no one to care for? How does Yo care for herself? What does Yo want for herself? To all of those questions, you were correct! I don't know.

 

I am already to late to consider re-entering law school this semester ... but I'm looking into it. Maybe that will be the next stop ... when I can concentrate on going full-time and not have to work the first year.

 

No, SOS to Ree. I don't want her worrying about me. I don't want you to worry about me. If things are not comfortable at Nancy's, I can go to my home in Baltimore. Remember, I still own a home!

 

Do you see that scripture under my name? Although, I pray everyday for you, I also pray for me. I believe God is working it all out. For the house, truck, Ree and you to all leave at the same time? Freeing me to move around without having to consider houses, cars, children and someone that I have looked upon as my future life's partner ... is huge! I know it's God splitting the Red Sea and telling to just go ahead and walk through. He's holding back the walls of water protecting me from being swallowed up by debt! You've witnessed it!

 

How many people can have a $90K job taken away from them and not be in financial ruin? I will be okay. God has always provided for me ... you tell me "Always". That what that means to me, God Always! Just pray for me.

 

Stove, refrigerator and washer/dryer sold today. What doesn't sell, I'll put in consignment.

 

I love you Mr. Wilson.

 

Thank you, Yo

 

I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ^{Dedicated to MSG.Wilson while on deployment to Afghanistan..}

-----Original Message-----
From: bdub
To: Yo
Sent: Sun, Aug 18, 2013 1:44 am
Subject: Re: Navy Letter

What are you doing. End of month is the start of you new journey where? I guess that's how you going to take thing to the next level. Strong but I can't do it. Will send out a SOS to Ree.

From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Saturday, August 17, 2013 9:19 AM
Subject: Navy Letter

Received a letter from Ree, a form letter giving me information about recruit training, graduation date, and her address: Write her.

I've resigned both positions and will be leaving at the end of the month. My first stop will be to Nancy's in West Virginia. I'll be able to keep whatever belongs I decided were irreplaceable there.

I wrote this really long email and as I was sending it ... It erased, except for those few letters. I guess God said, "Yo, you're saying talking to much."

 

Thank you, Yo

 

I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ^{Dedicated to MSG.Wilson while on deployment to Afghanistan..}

FEMA Update --- Slow Moving Wheels of Government

Re: Fwd: Appeal No. 01..., EEOC No.  420-....., Agency No. HS-10-FEMA-.....      

OFO.EEOC to youshow details

From: OFO.EEOC OFO.EEOC@EEOC.GOV     Dear Ms.,   This is in response to your e-mail dated August 13, 2013, in which you are requesting confirmation of the receipt of additional documents and additional details regarding the status of the appeal you filed regarding your complaint of discrimination against the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). This confirms that on July 18, 2013, the Office of Federal Operations (OFO) received a 7-page fax submitted by you regarding your request to vacate the AJ decision.  Additionally, your appeal 01..... is currently pending the issuance of a decision from OFO.    It is difficult to predict exactly when a final decision will be issued because of the large volume of appeals EEOC receives and the varying complexity of each case.  EEOC puts forth every effort to process appeals as expeditiously as possible.  Please be assured that your appeals are being processed in a fair and equitable manner. Should you at a later date, desire additional information on the status of your appeal, you may contact the OFO, Officer of the Day each Wednesday between the hours of 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. EST. at (202) 663-4599. We hope this information was helpful to you.   Officer of the Day Office of Federal Operations EEOC

Third Times the Charm - FedEX Package Arrives

God,

Received Ree's personal possessions package today. It's sitting across from me.

I can't open it. Will just take with me to graduation. Look forward to talking with her.

I anticipate I will have a conversation with quite a young lady.

Lord, keep a hedge of protection around her.

Keep a spirit of discernment in the minds and spirit of my sons. Keep them asking what would my mother say ... Do the right thing. Don't hurt anyone.

Thank you for everything,
Yo

Were We Ever a Team

God,

As I was watching "Marrying the Game" one of the women made the comment, "When there's conflict it seems to me there should be more communication not less."

44 is still very much in my thoughts. I found myself crying today at the register.

It stills baffles ... putting it mildly ... its more like turmoil in my head and body ... me why he had me come to Ft. Benning. I don't understand. I told him that I needed/wanted/should see him before he leaving for Afghanistan, to touch him before he left, to kiss his face, love on him as a woman in love with her man should... He understood why I was coming. He understood what he means to me ...

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” Lao Tzu

For two people who believe in honor and integrity, trust, monogamy. But not with me??? My body has only known him, for good and bad. I thought we were a work in progress. Me learning his body. No toys ... I wanted him. Waiting for Ree to leave for her journey, me on mines to get back to work, he on his to prepare for retirement, finish his education, prepare for possible promotion, getting his credit/debt together.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

Men have a saying ... I heard it on "The Game" the best way for a man to get over one woman is to get under another one.  I want to be in love, just as I am in love with 44. And I want him to be in love with me with the same desire, intensity and commitment.

No matter how crazy I get, He will accept me for me. There's will be no other in my mind, my body, my spirit.

He stepped away when he left Texas without saying anything.

Help me God

Yo

I Admit It!

God,

I do miss her so much. It feels like she is in her room like always, with the door shut ... tv on, ipad mini on, and her ... on her iPhone.

I wonder what her day was like today.

We have never gone a day without talking with each other.

44 was right ... no matter what I should have never called her outside of her name. Even though I know in my heart that he was wrong in that it could destroy or impact her perception of herself or self-esteem ... she's too mean and ornery for that -- that meanness and orneriness is what I was calling out -- her conduct, her interaction at times with me. Right now, I do have regret.

In my heart, I know that my daughter's love for me is unconditional. In my heart, I know that my daughter knows that my love for her is unconditional. She knows that there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I know there's nothing she wouldn't ask.

I do miss her but would not want anything else for her ... I am proud of her.

Thank you God

Shutting It Down - It's All For Sale

Hi God,

Now, it the tedious stuff: furniture and stuff.

FB Garage Sale!

44's voice is in my head. Everything is replaceable.

So, I'm only keeping the items most important to me: artwork, photos ...

Maybe Ree's bed ... most comfortable ...

Starting to say good-bye to people ... I need to stop with the crying ... I still hear Ree and 44 fussing that I need to toughen up!

Thank you God

Phase I, II & III - God's Plan

Hi God,

Today, has been a culmination of many targeted accomplishments.

First night as a single-parent of all adult children ... am I still considered a single-parent? From the time of our arrival to Mississippi, I knew that one day we would leave once Ree graduated. I heard a saying: If you have a story to tell; then you have a testimony to share. Or if you have a testimony of God's grace and mercy, then you have a story to tell. Not sure which way it goes but sure the gist of it understood.

The house with the $1500/month note was the first to go last August 2012. Not the way I thought ... by conventional sale ... and not by foreclosure ... but by deed-in-lieu ... considering the water damage, and possible mold .... I would have never been able to sell that house without taking a considerable loss. Couldn't get it refinanced because the funds incorporated Katrina Funds. ... Today, the house is still on the market for $96,600.00 ... $100,000.00 less than what I paid for it ... And it has not moved, not an offer! God's plan is not my plan ....

The Armada sold yesterday. $10,000.00. About 46,000 miles when purchased; 118,000 today. The dealership only wanted to give me $6000.00 or less as a trade-in. Fair enough ... A soldier from Texas while in Afghanistan made monthly payments and final payment once he returned home. A little drama when he arrived ... but all calm now ... went to the Tax Office ... turned in my tag ... He got his tag ... He needed a car and I had one that was draining me even as it sat in the driveway. Why do I need to drive an 8-passenger, 8-cylinder, $500.00 note and $100.00 fill-up? Done. Armada sold. God's plans is not my plan ...

My last child leaves home ... Scholarships ... Awards ... ROTC National Scholarship .... Air Force Academy Candidate ... Plan A, Plan B .... but not her plans. She has joined the military ... the United States Navy ... never saw this coming ... Last child leaves home on her own with a plan. Done. Children raised and have moved on with their own lives ... for good or bad. God's plan is not my plan ....

Dori finding his feet. Starting with a job and his own place.

Ike finding his feet. Starting with a job and his own place.

Sini, as they all do, needs continuous prayers.

And lastly, but at the top of the list, I have fallen in love with a real man. He's a soldier, a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, and a man of God. He, too, has left for what he needs to do; protect our country. He's in Afghanistan for 12 months. While he's gone. I will not be distracted by the status of our relationship. Instead, I will pray for his safe return. Meanwhile, work on being the woman that will make any man proud to call his wife.

God's plan for me ... I can't even guess .... I've given notice to the landlord ... Will give notice to both employers by next Friday....

My plan ... to relocate to West Virginia .... and continue to look for work ... If work has not found me by months end.

Thank you God for Your Plans!!! It is all working out.

Yo

PS:

Dorian, Shelly, Charisma and 3 others like this.

Laci  Best of luck to you Yolanda. Let the journey begin. Keep in touch.

 

Yolanda @Laci, I'll be peeking at Carson! and you :)

 

Edyth Seems like you are making progress. Best of luck always!

 

Elaine Best of luck. God has great plans for you.

 

Glenda  Aww,I wish you only the best my friend, you deserve it. I am sure God well lead you to a place where he has the greatest of plans for you. I love you and will miss you.

She's Leaves Today

God,

My daughter leaves today to become part of the United States Military. How proud I am.

So different from me ... So much stronger .... So much wiser. She will have a much happier and fulfilling life.

My stomach is in knots. I feel nauseous.

Take care of her God. I give her back to you.

You are all either of us could ever depend on ...

Always,
Yo

Huffington Post - Sharing Body Heat - Noteworthy

Dear God,

When I read the words "fairytale", and begin to read this article ... it spoke to my heart the kind of love I desired. God, you said you will give us, give me, the desires of my heart ... the kind of love this couple shared, the depth of their love and desire for each other ... Care for each other ... In sickness and in health.

"I crawled into ... bed and wrapped my body around his. If I could only get close enough to make the last hour, the last months, disappear. I hugged him tightly, desperately. I wailed his name and listened to his silence, remembering his murmurs, his words of love. I nuzzled my face into his neck as I had many times before, .... warmth ... "I love you, sweetheart," ... kiss on the top of my head, ... strong arms pulling me into him. I covered his thigh with mine, snaking my arm under his pajama top so that I could stroke the chest hair I had first touched years before."

My last night with 44, laying beside him, wrapping his strong arm over and around me. Kissing his hand, his face while he sleeps. Listening to his breaths, nudging him when the pause too long between. I want him well. Praying over him for God to take care of him while in Afghanistan, keep him well, bring him back whole. I want him to be think of me. I wish he has thoughts of me. I can't get him out of my mind. I think of him everyday.

I feel like a part of me is slowly dying. He didn't care about my dreams. He didn't care about my heart. How did I fall in love with a man that didn't care ...

You can't chose who you love, only how you love ...

Love you always,
Yo

Phase III - Moving Forward

God,

Contacted my girlfriend from FEMA, she's retired Air Force. She left here about a year ago. She always offered a place to stay if needed. Mississippi is a lonely and unhappy place for me. I'm going to take her up on it. I've given notice to the landlord. Will leave at the end of the month for West Virginia. Morgantown area. Thanks for being an ear. Thanks for being a friend. I will keep in touch.

• Vanessa, Joy, Judy and 9 others like this.
•  
• 

  Divita  Okay

   
• 

  Tonia Hey Yo.....give me a call...... Jackie

   
• 

  Tonia May God bless you and keep you in HIS care always May he give you the desires of your heart, peace.

   
• 

  Edyth  Love and good luck to you always, lovely lady!

   
• 

  Yolanda It strengthens my spirit to be surrounded with so much love from so many beautiful women ... you've been and become my support and family! I love all of you. Continue to pray for me.

   
• 

  Sharon  Wishing you the best.you are closer to home now.

   
• 

  Yolanda Home? In the hearts of friends and my children , not a building or place. Ree ships out Monday. She's been my home, my anchor.

   
• 

  Elaine Good luck. Gonna miss you. Love you

   
• 

  Yolanda  Love me! Thank you.

   
• 

  Vanessa  Good luck Yolanda!

   
• 

  Yolanda Thanks Nessa!

   

Continue to watch over the people that I love and place a hedge of protection around them. Thank you for keeping me.

Love you always,
Yo