"Home" for the Holidays

Hi God,

Thank you again for all your blessings over my life. I do appreciate all that you do for me.

 Why would, why should I believe my coming home would make a difference?

He placed his wedding ring on the nightstand.

Told me let this be my last time coming to this address.

The wet bar did sort his medications  ... I guess he'll be entertaining!

Good night God,
Yo

Two Weeks before Christmas

Hi God,

I'm not surprised ... back and forth the calls went .... what started it all?

As discussed with the new position, increased income ... we had an opportunity for a new start as equal partners, equal contributors. We can live our best lives. I'll be preparing for retirement. You prepare for where do you really want to be besides Mississippi. You start moving in that direction,  and I will follow.

So, it only seemed natural to discuss contributing to the household. "No, you don't live here anymore."

Back and forth, rehashing old and reoccurring events of being put out, locked out, unprotected, disrespected, ....

My lasts days before starting the new job.  "You're leaving." "Take everything with you or it will be trashed." He started emptying drawers and cabinets, piling my things at the front door for me to pack. He was helping me. Cleaning, Fabuloso filled the house. I was on my hands and knees cleaning his bathroom. No sooner did he remove my possessions, he was cleaning away any trace of me.

My prayers, always, that he would realize what a good wife; a faithful, dutiful wife he has. A woman and friend that loved him.  I wanted, I need, a Boaz.

The final straw to tonight's exchange ... after two weeks of telling him before i even left for ATL ... I would be home for Christmas. "I'm going to see Miles.  I'm driving and meeting him in Pensacola." But that's not it ....

"I HAD THE LOCKS CHANGED."

No Boaz.

Have your way Lord,

Love always, Yo

Counting Down to the ATL

Hi God,

I haven't written in so long .... I've been to Hawaii with FEMA to respond to volcano lava and flooding. Later, called back out to respond to the flooding in North Carolina and South Carolina.

BACK STORY:
Interview popping .... July, EEO Manager in Albuquerque - GS12, Step 6; in August, EEO Specialist in Kansas - GS11, Step 1; October, EEO Manager in South Dakota - GS12, Step 10; October, ADR Mediator in Atlanta - GS12, Step 10.

I went to my husband ... knowing, learning that he handles events better when he has time to digest it. And I have to time to navigate through the interview process of each position before an offer is made.

Albuquerque made the first offer, I accepted, and two days before I was to leave the offer was rescinded for budget reasons.

After that I accepted all the offers.

I rescinded from Kansas. Accepted S. Dakota before the offer from Atlanta. I want to rescind the offer but because of the last minute offer pulled back by New Mexico ... I haven't.

Start date for both ... Nov. 25th. Bringing mom with me ... wherever I go. S. Dakota has the opportunity to interface with the Sioux Nation .... but so far. So cold, the long winters, Mom's medical issues. ATL traffic congestion .... bad commute ... the only downside ... close to Baltimore, close to Mom's medical team. Talking in over with Husband. This is a second chance for us. Equal footing. Come and visit with me and mom. I'll come home. We can make this work.

I had a pod delivered. Came home, only to find Husband at home when he was suppose to be at a doctor's appointment. He attempted to make so reasons why he was home - lies! Whatever you say at this point.

Preparing for the move. Husband's anxiety is beginning to heighten. moving. "Get your stuff, all your stuff." So now, I had to send back the cube and rent space on a trailer. "I'm divorcing you for abandonment. You took the job so you're abandoning the marriage. No community property."

 This was the beginning and its continuing. Saturday, he begins emptying my stuff from the kitchen the bathroom, kitchen drawers ... cleaning and wiping. The pile in the living room growing. Walking into the garage, looking into his room, the revolver laying on the bed. It laid there all day. Why did he take it out of the drawer ... and just left it laying there. I couldn't ignore it but I didn't comment to him. He's not allowing me to gather and pack my own things.

The pic above ... Sunday morning. He comes upstairs and grabs the orange lamp from the nightstand, pulling the cord from behind the bed. He took the other lamp from the other room ... I guess ... so, I wouldn't have access to that one as well. Those are the lamps ... placed in the office which is now off limits to me. I'm back to be a bitch, whore, and leach ... He's back. He always comes back.

Text I sent him after church:

GRACEFULLY BROKEN!

I was in Dollar Tree last night and there was a lady and two kids behind me in the LONG line. One was a big kid, one was a toddler. The bigger one had a pack of glow sticks and the baby was screaming for them so the Mom opened the pack and gave him one, which stopped his tears. He walked around with it smiling, but then the bigger boy took it and the baby started screaming again. Just as the Mom was about to fuss at the older child, he bent the glow sticks and handed it back to the baby. As we walked outside at the same time, the baby noticed that the stick was now glowing and his brother said "I had to break it so you could get the full effect from it." I almost ran because l could hear God saying to me, "I had to break you to show you why I created you. I had to go through it so I could fulfill my purpose." That little baby was happy just swinging that "unbroken" glow stick around in the air because he didn't understand what it was created to do which was "GLOW". 

There are some people who will be content just "being" but some of us, me, that God has chosen - I  have to be "BROKEN".

I WILL GO THROUGH THIS DIVORCE. I will go through you trying to break my character. But in those moments of desperation, God is breaking me and when the breaking is done, then I am be able to see the reason  .. so when you see me glowing as I am now. Just know that I have been broken by you but healed by His Grace and Mercy.

2am, He's here in my room apologizing. Trying to rationalize, justify the continuing disrespectful behavior. His removing my things at 6:30am is he was cleaning. No he has the energy to clean, to cook, to straighten out his closet.

God make this a peaceful transition, protect me from hurt, harm, and danger. Watch over me while I sleep.

OMG- I'M IN HAWAII AND OVER!

God,

What the heck is going on? I went today to see about difficulty breathing. Got on the scale and it kept going ... I'm not even sure when it stopped

203 lbs!

I don't remember ever crossing that 200lb threshold. I have to do something about this weight immediately.

I am in an unhealthy space all way round.

I need Your help!

Yo

When He's Like This, It's Always the Same

Hello Jesus!

I haven't written in awhile ... even with all that's hit the fan.

Thank you for the job offer.
Thank you for the negotiation of salary and not having a spirit of fear and acceptance.

I am so excited about the possibility of expanding my territory.

Thank you for providing so I can take care of my family.

Now, my husband ... why???

I gave him my vision over six months ago.

Leave the private sector.
Accept the position with the government.
Any position to get into the door.
Start moving up!

It has all happened.

He tells me get out, leave.
I'll have the locks changed so you can never come back.
Take everything with you.
I'll be filing for divorce for abandonment.
I'll piss on you. I'll open your mouth and piss in it.

My husband, Jesus, I continue to give him to You.

I will always follow where You lead me.

Love you always,
Yo

Faithlife Women Conference. Angela Thomas

These are Angela Thomas’ speaking notes from the Faithlife Women Conference, presented unaltered and in their entirety.

 

The followers of Jesus have been given lavish gifts from God. Most of us open the ones we need most and too many of us leave the gift of joy unwrapped or still in the box.

The gift of God is life eternal. (Romans 6:23)

God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable. (Romans 11:29)

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. (Ephesians 1:8)

What has happened to all your joy? (Galatians 4:15)

I was asked to write the devotional called Choosing Joy.
I found that I knew very little about God’s instructions regarding joy.
Turns out God, in the Bible, God is serious about His followers living in joy.

JOY defined – the inner attitude of rejoicing in one’s salvation regardless of outward circumstances. One of the fruits of a right relationship with God.

Why should we unwrap the gift of joy?

Take it out of the box. Put that baby on. Show it off!

1. The Bible clearly commands

Rejoice in the Lord – Phil 3:1 – is a command

Be joyful always. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

The Bible uses the word joy (Greek and Hebrew) to communicate a positive human condition that can be either a feeling or an action. In this passage the Greek uses the word “joy” in the action sense. Choosing the action of joy.

God did not stutter – always means always.

2. Our joy is for God’s glory

How will we choose joy for the glory of God:

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” (Psalm 63:1)

The goal is to become a living expression of joy.

3. Choosing joy (surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit) transforms your life and therefore all those you influence, love, parent, etc.

4. Joy is evangelistic. Missional. Mountain moving.

Some protest that the pursuit of joy seems self-centered:

It’s NOT!! Pursuing joy and glorifying God are not in conflict. To pursue joy with your whole life is to honor the One who has given you life.

Pursuing joy in God is very different from just enjoying His gifts. Most of us know how to enjoy His gifts, but the pursuit of joy actually transforms us.

His word and our pursuit,
His power and our surrender,
The creator of joy can put His joy inside of us,
HE can create what we cannot manufacture.
The more we approach God for this transformation, the more of God we will encounter.

God desires that we find our joy, happiness, peace and purpose in Him. When we have done so – HE is glorified!

John Piper – we must fight for joy. We must fight for the relationship that God has called us to. Fight to become the woman filled with joy.

Fight our natures.
Fight sin and countless distractions.
Even fight against the ones who discourage you, so the pursuit of joy becomes your priority.

What the Bible has to say about joy:

1. Joy comes from God

Joy was created in the character of God.
Joy was born in the person of Jesus Christ.
Gospel means “message bringing joy.”

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid.’ I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David, a Savior has been born to you, he is Christ the Lord. (Luke 2:10-11)

Gospel has been communicated as a message of condemnation or separation, but the NT intent is that the life and message of Jesus be communicated as a message of joy!

The power to choose joy comes from the Holy Spirit.

2. The bible says that joy is a gift to those who belong to Jesus.

Joy is given by God to His followers.
Don’t Postpone your Joy.
Don’t keep waiting to open the gift.

May the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. (Psalm 68:3)

3. The bible shows that joy increases because of our increasing relationship with God.

In our obedience to God, his word, the prompting of the Holy Spirit – there is greater joy.

4. The bible teaches that joy is an action choice (obedience) we make because we follow Jesus Christ. The action can result in the feeling – but they don’t always follow each other.

The bible says this kind of obedience produces joy:

Following God’s Word – Psalm 119:14, Psalm 19:8
Trusting God – Romans 15:13
Being in God’s presence – Psalm 16:9-11
Understanding God’s Word – Jeremiah 15:16, John 17:13
For peacemakers – Proverbs 12:20, Matthew 5:9
Surrender – Psalm 37:4-5
Hope in God – Romans 12:12
Becoming Wise – Proverbs 15:23
Worship – Psalm 100:2, Psalm 149:1-5
Serving others – Philippians 2:1-5
Abiding in Christ – John 15:9-11
Being generous – 2 Corinthians 8:2
Faithful work – Matthew 25:21
Thankfulness for our blessings – Psalm 126:1-6

Joy that comes from obedience has benefits:

Freedom from things – Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
Freedom from despair – Isaiah 61:1-2
Comfort – Psalm 63:6-8, Psalm 94:18-19
Forgiveness/Restoration – Psalm 51:12
Peace in our loss – Habakkuk 3:17-18
Peace in our waiting – 2 Chronicles 20:21, 27
Peace through trials – Isaiah 12:2-4
Peace when you are ridiculed – Acts 5:41-42, Romans 12:14
Peace in our trials – James 1:2-4
Freedom from bitterness – Lamentations 3:19-23
Strength when you are weak – Nehemiah 8:10
Joy even in our sorrow – 2 Corinthians 6:10

The benefits transform me. JOY is a characteristic of spiritual maturity AND surrender

5. The bible says we have the promise of future joy.

We only know joy in part but one day . . . in full. In your everyday life – FIGHT FOR JOY.
First, fight for the transformation in your very own heart and attitude. You cannot impart what you do not possess. You cannot give the gift you left unopened.

In our homes. Marriage. Church. School. Every sphere of influence.

Mamas – you have the opportunity to give your children something you may have never known.
Single moms – you have the great privilege of setting the tone for your home.

Be the sunshine . . .

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

The righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of the Father. (Matthew 13:43)

Women's Who Made an Impact in the Bible - Here I am Lord, Mold Me!

• Introduction to For Such a Time as This
• 1. Deborah and Jael
• 2. Ruth
• 3. Hannah
• 4. Abigail
• 5. The Widow of Zarephath
• 6. Esther, Part I
• 7. Esther, Part II
• 8. Esther, Part III
• 9. Mary, the Mother of Jesus
• 10. Mary of Bethany

7 Practices of the Effective Woman: 

1.    She rises early
2.    She maintains the spiritual disciplines
3.    She focuses on relational priorities for every season
4.    She sets up regular times for planning
5.    She develops an effective to-do list system and calendar/planner system
6.    She establishes an efficient routine for managing her home
7.    She organizes her house systematically

JOY, The Noun

Good morning Lord,

Today, well, yesterday .... at 2am and its dark ...

I made the self-reflection that I do not know joy.

I know hope, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I know contentment, peace, safe, grateful, and many more.

Just not joy.
noun

1.

a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. 

delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture. A noun is a part of speech that denotes a person, animal, place, thing, or idea. It a state of being, not an action.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10 describes God's followers as broken clay jars who have God's radiant, joy-filled light shining through them.

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side,but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

The dictionary and the Bible have very different definitions of joy ... Lord, I definitely understand and relate to the biblical reference to joy. Looking at both, I have never had that dictionary feeling of joy - jubilation, glee, exhilaration, bliss, rapture.

Have I felt exultation ... for sure. When Your presence is engulfs me. 

Doesn’t everyone want to be happy? God never promises happiness? Can’t I be happy without joy? It’s easy to be happy when I have freedom from suffering, financially secure, and all my relationships are good, but then you have trouble with one or more of these, what happens to the “happiness?” 

 I believe when you have joy, you are also happy. 

You said “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11). 

You do promise joy. When? When I see You again! 

You will have “sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you” (John 16:22). 

If I don't have joy now .... perhaps, I will have joy later :)

Jesus also says “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:27) so “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me” (John 14:1).

I can live with this!

Thank you Teresa for provoking thoughtfulness within me to seek out the meaning and purpose of joy.

Thank you Lord!

Today's Sermon, " Jesus Cares, & Will - Do Whatever He Tells You!

Good evening Jesus,

Thank you Lord for using Pastor Picket's sermon today providing confirmation for all I was feeling and wrote before going to church this morning.

John 2:1-11 This is way Jesus, where your first miracle is chronicled.

John 2:11, HCSB: "Jesus performed this first sign in Cana of Galilee. He displayed His glory, and His disciples believed in Him. "

You were invited to a wedding where both you and your mom were present. Who would have ever thought that you would be at a party --- the Son of God! The first miracle recorded was at a wedding, an event, that everyday people attend, an ordinary event of daily life.

Then the worse thing that could have happened happened ---- they ran out of wine!

So, what did mom do ... will the story reads that she told You! Then gave her the return ... what do I have to do with this????

Did mom give you the eye and say, Help, you know how embarrassing it will be for them to run out of wine? They will be the ridicule of the village. A blame the irresponsibility of the family responsible.

King James Bible
1Corinthisans 6:20, 'For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.'


King James Bible
New American Standard Bible 
Go to the source - Jesus, your mom knows better than any of us,  that YOU HAVE THE POWER! Just like that couple, we all, I have troubles, pain. But you know that because when you agreed to come down and be flesh ... like me, you went through life troubles, temptations, pain. But unlike me, you remained sinless. We'll have to talk about this when we sit down!
Jesus you will provide in all my life events down to the smallest detail, heartache, celebration!
New American Standard Bible 

Matthew 7:7-8, 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you'

Jeremiah 33:3, 'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'



Jeremiah 3:33, 'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'

Jesus the passage goes on to say, your mom --- Mary, commanded the servants to do whatever you tell them." Bossed up!

They did just what you said ... how you said it. Fill the jugs up with water .... give some to the master of the house. As he drank ... he was drinking wine! And it was good, better than what they had offered!

Not only did you turn water into wine and save the day for couple ... You gave them better than what they offered on their own. You took a process that normally takes months, maybe years and made it happen in a matter of minutes ... as long as it took the servants to fill the water jugs with water and serve the master of the house.

New American Standard Bible 
Philippians 4:19, 'And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.'

Jesus, I want you to know that I will do whatever you tell me to do!

New American Standard Bible 
"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Jesus, I am not afraid of You but I do fear being out of Your presence, Your will. I guess, Yes, I do fear your wrath for being disobedient. The fear a child has for their parent. Knowing loves exists at all time.

Thank you for the confirmation that I must bring everything to you but I already knew this.

Thank you!

Love, Yo

Good evening God, Good evening Jesus,

I thought about this while sitting in church .... I normally open my letters to God but I got to thinking about the scripture, John 14:6

New International Version
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

New Living Translation
Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.

So from now on God, my Father, to stay in order .... I will be asking or addressing my vents to my Savior Jesus Christ .... cuz I want them to reach you!

Love you both,

Yo

LifeStorage

Good morning God,

I've wanted to package The Cross and preparing to ship it home. I was also prepared to do it myself. So, why did I ask him to help me????????????????????????????????????????????

Last Monday, Memorial Day. We go to the locker. We got The Cross boxed.

Now, I'm re-organizing the locker. Kitchen stuff, lunch box containers - stuff that was at the rental property. Everything in this locker was left in the middle of the living room, boxed for preparing to move at the lease end.

The acquisition of the locker is the direct result of my coming home to an empty home - my husband moved with no notice. I slept and woke up with the MF - God, it still angers me.

So, why did I invite him?

I opened a box - mini crockpots.

"No, leave it here. There's no room for it. You're junking up the place. You already have a crockpot. That's enough.

You are taking up two rooms.  You're sleeping upstairs.

You've taken over Miles' room. There's no guest room if someone wants to visit me because you're sleeping upstairs."

This grown man who never lived with you the child's entire life. You've never made a space for him before. Left Grambling and went back to live in Florida. A room with a futon, lamp, and chair. He didn't come to visit when he was two hours away. A pass through on spring and winters break .... wash clothes, gas money ... up at 5am ... no breakfast .... gone! And he needs a room. The last time he stayed. He slept in your bed and you slept on the couch. Whatever!

The arguing escalated quickly. What the heck! I need permission to bring home the mini crockpots. No, I need permission about everything. To switch lamps between the two upper stairs bedrooms. To hang clocks where there are no time devices. To bring in a pilates machine. Because he can - he can control what comes in his house.

From the time I moved in and up till this moment, all I ever had in this dwelling is my clothes. I've never been allowed to empty the locker and bring my personal belongs home.

"Get out! I don't need your assistance. Don't touch my things. I am escalating ... Just leave me here. You have your car and I have mines. I'll finish the rest by myself."

Does he leave no. He refuses. He doesn't have to leave. He's not going to leave. He steps over to help leverage The Cross. "Leave it alone" "Get out" "You're not needed ... I don't need you."

Then, he steps to me and raises his fist as if to punch me in the face. So familiar to me ... Then, he fixes his mouth to spat in face. Also, familiar.

When I arrive home, I was greeted with the familiar spouting of vulgarities: "leach, bitch, whore, you sell pussy don't you - isn't that what a whore it. You don't pay any rent. (What wife pays rent????) You're just a leach. From day one, I never wanted you here. I bought this house with me in mind .. you were never a consideration. You were never suppose to be here." (Then why am I here? Why didn't you agree with separation papers???)

Yesterday, coming back from the locker. Switching summer and winter clothes. He wants to talk. About what?? The crockpots. Hell no, God.

Way pass the crockpots. Your fist in the air to punch me in the face. Your mouth pouted to spat in my face. The spewing of vulgarities ... all repetitive.

When will it stop? NEVER!

God, I am still asking you to fix this marriage. Or open a door for me to leave with support and better than when I came in. Retored, please.

God, your my Father. I love you always and thank you for all that you do for me.

Yo

Old Sean Rears His Head

Hi God,

So ridiculous ...

My last night working the overnight shift ... no more driving home @ 2am. Talking to Lena on the way home ....

I come into the house. Who were you talking to? Let me see your phone.

I'll do better than that ... I'll call Lena. She answers the phone immediately.

So still angry ... because I called Lena ...

Then, you gonna give me the silent treatment.

This morning, Mother's Day, off the chain again. He back .... I'm back to being the "Bitch". Trying to get dressed for church. Trying to get out of here ... away from him. He's following from room to room refusing to leave my space.

He takes my wedding ring and says it may mysteriously get lost .... Do what you want with that ring.

I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I don't want you to leave me.

I never had any plans on leaving ... I just want it to be real. Unconditional.

Like the love you have for me.

Love you always,
Yo

At the Head of the Line ... There's No One to Follow

Hi God, Father,

At the Head of the Line, the oldest, there's no one to follow to show me how ... Having to learn on my own without guidance.

This is a cycle I am working hard on the daily to break on behalf of my children.

With your help Father and Jesus, I can do all things ... in You who strengthen me ...

With all love,
Yo

You're Are As Sick as Your Secrets

Hi Father,

I get the titles for post feeling, knowing, there's a story.

There's a new saying, "Living in your truth." I feel that just another way to discuss .... integrity, honest, reputation.

"Living in your truth" may just confuse someone. Being transparent. Keep it simple. Tell the truth.

Love,
Yo

He is "An Unmade Bed"

God,

I heard that in a show or movie ... something.

An unmade bed .... 

It messy, unkept .... no one dies from laying in an unmade bed. What will it do to me?

Love always,
Yo

Put Voice to the Hurt

Hi God,

Putting my voice to the hurt is this blog. I took if off line when Sean's friend searched me. I felt she exploited by my blog and me.

I've brought it back up .... so, let's continuing our discussions.

Thank you,
Yo

A Simple Note

Good Morning God!

Yesterday, which just seems like earlier today ... it is after midnight. Not waking until after 10am.

My husband had already left the house. Today, he did something he has NEVER offered before.

A note: "Gone To The Gym". A small but hugely thoughtful gesture.

And .... he cut the heat on before he left! He never cuts the heat on ... I'll be shaking like a chihuahua.

God ... Maybe there's hope. There's always hope with You!

Love you always and ever,
Yo

Acknowledge All Things for the good of God's People

Hi God,

Sean made the statement that all I had is because of him .... hmmm, I've heard that before, Michael McGrady, who stated over dinner that I wouldn't be where I am (FEMA) if it wasn't for him.

Now, my husband is saying the same. Yet, I do agree. I believe his 10 points veteran preference that I use probably got me the interview with the VA. But I did the interview.

I went to make coffee and got the creamer out of the fridge, that he brought for me the day I came home from FEMA. He took the unopened container from me and poured it down the drain. The unopened bag of Dunkin' Donut coffee, opened and emptied in the trash.

All I can do is shake my head. I took the machine back but felt guilty that I had stooped to his level.  I apologized for the reaction and wanted him to have this for the sake of his health. He's suppose to wear his Cpap machine every night ... to breathe.

God whatever Your will is for my life, I thank You in advance.

Yo

Being Comfortable with the Silence ..... Treatment, LoL

Hi God,

What would I do without you .... I really don't know and don't want to know.

It's been a little over two weeks now. No hello, good-bye, questions, barely wants to answer any.

He's absolutely ridiculous.                   

Got a cpap sterilization machine for Valentine's Day. Did he deserve it .... NO! But, do I deserve all that YOU do for ME!? NO.

I guess the phone ringing at 3:30am in the morning was a thank-you call. I didn't answer. Take yourself out of your bitterness, come upstairs, and see thank you in person. Didn't happen until the next morning. He mulled around the question waiting .... we I came downstairs, he offered a thank-you for the machine.

Back to his usual! He's either locked up in his room until I leave which is pretty much everyday! Or, he steps out ... which is unusual and sits in the living room to watch television.

Silence ... is so much better than the bitch, whore, leaches!

The 5:30pm to 2am shift at the VA is tough. Not on a sleeping schedule yet. But, even this is an opportunity for me to escape the evening confrontations.

So, again ... it's YOUR plan. I am an ACTIVE participant Lord God. Continue to give me discernment and vision.

Thank you so very much,
Yo

Oops!

Good morning God!

So funny last night .... printed my ticket, did my hair, getting dressed, calling an Uber, heading out to the show! See the banner on the corner ... a block away from the venue. Driver will you cut the light on please .... pull out my ticket. The show is next week! Geez, uber driver, please take me home

Praise Report - Credit Card Debt Free

Hi God!

Went to a Debt-Free Workshop at Second Baptist Church in Pearland, Texas.

I listened to Dave Ramsey's Snowball Approach.

Now, he differs from other's because he says to close the credit accounts.

Suzie Orman says pay off the debt and keep the accounts open. 

I haven't closed any accounts but I will cut them up!

Just found a U.S. News' article outlining how to close credit accounts .... The Right Way!

Thank you Lord for watching over me.

I love you for my covering, for my life.

Yo

My First Night Home: Same Shit, Different Name

Hi God,

First day back from demobilization. Asked my husband ... how about us spending the night together. To my surprise ... I got an unanticipated rebuttal. He asked, why spend one night together? I'm thinking why the discussion.

I explained that I have hopes for us, our marriage. With the months apart from the deployment, we would be able to begin rebuilding, fixing, the foundation of our marriage. Continue the work I thought we were doing in our nightly conversations. Yet, I did want to move all the way back into the master bedroom for the same reasons. There has been a lot of broken promises, commitments, betrayal, disrespect, the spitting, name calling, JAIL! ALOT OF GARBAGE TO SORT THROUGH.

After my efforts were rebuked, I went on upstairs to my bedroom leaving him in the living room. Later, I noticed he's in his bedroom with the door closed. Deja Vu!

I went down to his bedroom to cut of the television ..... his cell phone ringing .... 11:30pm. I look at the phone face and its a number with a name. Itching to answer I don't .... send it to voicemail .... Guess what ... God, I know you already know, lol. It's rhetorical. The number call back! Ok, now we know what time it is. Still I didn't answer but "she" did leave a voicemail this time.

So the next morning, I had Sean a piece of paper with the number on it .... "I don't know this number" he says. Whatever! I offered this is a good time for an explanation, an opportunity to clear up this lie and explain. Nope, he kept to his story ... TELEMARKETER! SMH .... REALLY!

Well, I texted the telemarketer:

"Good morning, This is Yo, the wife of Sean______. You called him last night while he was sleeping. He didn't have your named saved to his phone. So I just took down the number. When I presented the number to him this morning, he doesn't know it. You wil not be the first woman that my husband has not disclosed his marital status. Therefore, I have no issues with you. Unless you knew. You know now. You have my number."

I told Sean about the text. He said she's going to call you. In surprise, why? She has no reason to call me ... she should be calling you! Maybe she did, I'm not sure. But when I went to go check my phone. Surenuff, I had a missed call. I called her back. "Hello", "Hello" she replied. "I'm sorry I don't know your name but I don't need to." She asks, "Is he with you now?" "Yes, right in front of me" "May I speak to him." "Surely" "Sean, the telemarketer would like to speak to you." "Ah, ah, ah" "Mam, I think he doesn't want to speak with you on my phone. I think he's going to call you back from his phone after he leaves our home." "Ok" "Good-bye"

Will his lying and cheating ever stop. There is never any remorse. Just the opposite. Now, the name calling is back: Bitch, Whore, Leach, Freeloader! He's back!

Took liverwurst out of the fridge to eat. Sean hurries out of his seat to the kitchen grabs the sandwich meat from my hand, out of my mouth, and the remaining package on the counter, Sean, I rather throw it in the trash than to allow you to eat it. The turkey burgers he snatched, I'll piss on them first. The bag of coffee, he threatens to open and empty in the trash.

God, you would of thought that I did the betraying.

As long as I have you Lord, I'll will be okay,

Yo

Reunited Again! The Past 5 Months

Hello God!

The past five months have been a whirlwind to say the least.

FEMA called with an orientation schedule giving enough notice to schedule time away from my employer.

Then it happened, Hurricane Harvey, Maria and Irma all within weeks of each other. Now, expect to be deployed from EMO: Emergency Management Orientation. Resigned from my employer and off to EMO!

Went from Virginia to Nevada to Texas! Left September 17th, one day home in November, and demob to return home Feb. 2, 2018.

I had three interviews: landed one of the them .... the least pay but may have farther reaching benefits! The VA!

Thank you God!

YO!