Jonah - Life Interrupted

Hi God,

Today, I started Priscilla Shirer's, Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted. Very excited about the next six weeks of bible study with the women.

The first question asked, "How has you life been interrupted lately? OMG!

• Car accident
• Knee surgeries
• Loss of employment
• Loss of income
• Son incarcerated
• Son having a baby
• Mississippi property
• Maryland property
• My best friend's mom becoming ill

Jonah was the only prophet who received instructions from God and RAN from what God told him to do.

Jonah was told by God to go to Nineveh, which a brutal, violent, hopeless place; an enemy of Israel.

God often sends us into the hopeless places because it's in the hopeless place that we can see the hope of God.

So can we really view life's interruptions as that if we also believe that those same things are purposeful, opportunities and in God's plan---Then, aren't those interruptions actually divine intervention?!

I have to believe that each one of the above "interruptions" that I listed has to some how be used to search for significance! How many things/people/relationships will be affected on my response.

God, allow me to respond in complete obedience.
Yo

Another One Bites the Dust!

God, Hey ....

Well, I had to get it off my chest with Ras. Explained to him how I felt he handled or mishandled the damage to my waterline. Basically, I felt that he did not demonstrate the competence or the sensibility to understand that when you damage someone's property the responsible act is to restore the person to wholeness. Ras simply had to repair the damage: either himself or contract the work out. Or, allow me to have the faucet replaced and provide him with the bill for the repairs. Ras did neither.

After I finished, of course I felt better. Told him that I thought he was a really nice guy. Using the analogy he gave me about meeting women who seemed to have it all together, held their hands only to find rought skin ... changed his perception of them. Well, the way he handled the damage waterline, changed my perception of him as a man that was capable of getting things done ... at least getting done what pertains to me. It really comes down to integrity.

I don't think I was angry but I may have sounded harsh. I can say I know that I was very firm in my position. This was definately a one-sided conversation. I wasn't looking for an explanation ... maybe an apology.

Ras on the other hand sounded completely flustered. When I asked him if about riding on the beach the next day, today ... He simply said he would get back to me ... His pressure was up.

Well, when I got the call this morning at 5:50 am ... I was impressed that he had the constitution to put it behind him and go forward with the bike ride on the coast today. Said he could be at my house in 5 minutes. When he arrived, I will pulling my bike out of the garage. Ras apologized and said he wasn't going riding and that he should have said. I asked that what are you doing here at 6am????? Ras came to bring me the $25.00. That must have kept him up all night.

I went on with my bike ride around town.

I'm not going to settle ... It doesn't have to be hard. I'm not going to make a square peg fit into a round hole. Not this time.

Thank you God for the dream,
Yo

Is it Me??!

Hey God,

Well, handed him my Letter of Resignation to Bethlehem Baptist Church today. Never in my life have I ever resigned from membership because I no longer wanted to be associated with the ministry or its leadership.

Last Sunday, an announcement was made that the Search Committee would be meeting with the congregation the following Wednesday. The meeting on Wednesday, full of arguing, people walking out, leadership/Search Committee condescending remarks, Head of the Deacon Board doesn't even know what day it is .... Search Committee announces the vote for Pastor will take place the following Saturday, yesterday. The issue came up about eligible votes, it was actually said both active and non-active members can vote. Who are non-active members .... anyone that shows up. Exactly! Any given Sunday the past year ... probably 20 attendees. Voting yesterday, I heard over 100 showed up .... children ... and whoever! The Galloway family came out like bugs under the woodpile to insure their brother received the post of Pastor .... I'm done! The best think for me to do is actually what I did. Resign. Done. Deuces!

Augh! Ras asked me to Lacombe, LA for a Crab Feast Festival. Shouldn't have went ... I feel nothing for this guy since he took no responsibility for the damage to my water line. May not have talked about this. The events took place last Monday:

Talked about my lawnmower being in the shop. Ras offered to bring over his riding mower. I would ride the mower while he weedeat the yard. Well, he ended up bringing his older cousin over, who later Ras says can hardly see, who rode the mower. I went into the house, cut on the water, no pressure. Ras at the door saying his cousin hit the water line. Ras stated he called the City and they were on their way out. I had to go to work. Ras said he would stay until the City arrived. That impressed me that he knew that was the right thing to do. He had already asked me the night of my birthday what I like in a man. I told him: CAPABILITY: THE ABILITY TO GET THINGS DONE WITH LITTLE TO NO SUPERVISION!. Isn't that what guys do? That's what Chicago does when he visits and he's my best friend, not a boyfriend, not a husband! I left for work believing I left my issue in CAPABLE HANDS. NOT!

Talked to Ras the next day. He made the mistake telling me that after the City told him that someone would be coming. HE LEFT! Left with the water fountain spouting in my front yard. Then when he showed up the next day to go bike riding on the beach, I went over to examine the damage. Ras followed me. When I asked him about an anticipated timeframe for making the repairs. He response was, Why? Wrong answer. Why? How about because this was not the condition you found my home prior to letting his blind cousin cut my grass. Then Ras further comments that he doesn't see the need to reinstall the faucet. WHATEVER! Then he further comments that he's surprised it hadn't happened sooner. NOT THE ENTIRE 5 YEARS I'VE LIVED HERE! So, I asked him is he going to contract someone or am I? Then its, I have a friend in the hospital, don't know when he's getting out, but he does this kind of work. WHATEVER AGAIN!

Mr. Evans came yesterday, with no notice, with the faucet and repaired the break. I gave the receipt to Ras today on our way to the festival. He stated that he was surprised that I was charging him. Did he not agree to repair the break! $25.00 dollars: $10.00 for the part, $15.00 for the labour. Mr. Evans wants the money to go to the Stone County Our Daily Bread Food Pantry. To have Ras make the check out to them. For sure. Then Ras said Well pay me for cutting your grass! I started and wanted to say, Kiss My Ass. But instead, said, I didn't ask you to cut my grass. I didn't need you to cut my grass. I have always cut my grass myself!

Contiued in silence to the festival. Really wanted to get over this thing with the water line. Music and food was good. Had a good time. Small event without the overwhelming crowds that New Orleans is known for. Ras asked me if I saw anything that I liked at one of the vendors. I did, a $35.00 turquoise and amber necklace/earring set by Tee's Treasures by Terry Zechenelly: 985-643-4945 (note for myself). He didn't have $35.00. WHAT! Why ask me if I see anything that I liked! Joe, always kept a couple of hundred in his pocket. Isn't that what men do???LOLOLOL!! They are always prepared to handle things. They know. I didn't ask nor to expected, but when you asked be prepared to carry through.

Asked if I wanted to go past his house for drinks. Not! Then he had nerve to ask for a kiss once I got home. NOT! He has no clue that he failed the exam when he left before the City arrived. He failed again when he felt there was no need to replace the damage that he was responsible for causing. He failed when he didn't think he should cover the costs of the repair. He failed when he commented that he should have charged me for cutting my grass. He failed for not having $35.00.

Deuces!

I tried God but I can't do a "3".

I love you much and with you I will always be good. Thanks again,
Yo

Decadent Dark Chocolate---Gold Leaf

I'm not sure what happened to this entry of the Major but it was inadvertently deleted. An omen ... perhaps. Why ... I was sitting at a table with him having dinner ... went to show him the entry dedicated to "at first meeting" ... using his iPad ... gone .... An omen!

But I will try to recap my thoughts of him.

Pulled in the service station outside of Camp Shelby. Not noticing right away but catching out of the corner of my eye ... this man in uniform approaching me from the car just ahead of me.

Looking up I see this beautiful dark chocolate man in uniform with a gold leaf on his chest -- Major.

Intriguing. Sexy! Well spoken. Confident to the point of arrogance. Sexy ...!

A special dark chocolate --- Dove Dark Chocolate. One square ... not the whole bar, would have been enough. Mouth-watering temptation. I'm wanting to kiss him, to taste him, to anticipate him.

Found out days after researching on fb .... he was married ... stay away, don't come any closer! So, tempting.

Every time he stepped into the store ... such excitement .... this isn't good ... The Major is not good for me ... He would definitely be a left turn down a well traveled road. Strength, Courage and Wisdom - The words of India Irie.

I asked the Major to keep his distance ... no, friendship is not an option ... not with a man such as him

Perhaps, this is all that needs to be remembered! Perhaps, the other entry had to tooooo much ... It did get several hits from readers. LOLOL

Major drove me home after dinner ... a good kisser ... he felt as a thought he would .. Trouble .. Not sampling .. Strength, Courage and Wisdom! Some things you just don't need to experience to know. Holding it in my hand is enough.

Major ... this is dedicated to you! Thank you for a very nice evening. You are full of sensuality but are also the arms of curiosity for me and I'm staying at arms distance.

The High Calling

Longing, Abraham's Song

When I search for Beth Moore's, "Abraham's Song", I came upon another blogger that also learned of this poem through the Patriach's study.

In lieu of cutting and pasting, I've decided to link this post to her blog.

Her words in this entry reflects my heart.

Thank you God for agreement,
Yo

Endings and Beginnings

Hello God,

In the words of Beth Moore referencing Genesis to who you are.

• He's the Alpha and Omega. God, after every omega there will be an alpha.
• El Olam, the Eternal God. God has no endings.
• Endings are not natural to us because we are built for forever.
• God can take a string of somethings that are awful into a string of somethings wonderful. Only God can redeem a tragedy into a string of deliverance.
• There is nothing that Satan can deal me that God cannot trump!
• When God blesses us; we then become blessings for/to others.

I've talked often about feeling homeless, not having roots, not having a place to call home.

Today, thank you God, the message I received today in the final chapter of the Patriachs study helped me understand the longing for stability, longing for closure.

Hebrews 11:13-16.  Like the scripture, I admit that I've felt like a foreigner and stranger here in Mississippi just as well as in Maryland. I have said that I am looking, longing for a resting place of my own. I haven't thought about the Baltimore that I had left and have had opportunity to return. Instead, I long for a better place —Now, I understand the feeling is not depression but a longing for a heavenly one. As scripture states, I don't necessary need a building but I went to be where God wants me to be, as long as He is going to be there with me. I'll never be alone for God is with me.

I've prayed the Prayer of Jabaz for years. In response, God has place me in the middle of many "expanding territories".

I have often wonder about the events of my life wondering as many do.... "Why me God?" Genesis 50:20. God, use what has happened in my life, that You have redeemed, to speak to someone else's deliverance.

Thank you God for not being ashamed to be called my God, for You have prepared a place for me.

Thank you with all my life,
Yo

In Comparison

Staying on the Path

Hi God,

Today I pedalled from Gulfport's Island View to Long Beach's boat marina: one-way 2.9 miles for a total of almost 6 miles. I wasn't tired. Not out of breath. It was a good ride.

Ate junk food the rest of the day while volunteering at the Food Pantry.

Ate more junk food at bible study tonight. And I fell asleep. Not sure for how long. LOLOL!

But it was still a good day.

Let's talk more tomorrow!
Yo

Happy Birthday ME!

Hey God,

I had a wonderful day today. Thank you.

Went to a four-star restaurant for dinner: Vrazel's. Wonderful appetizer, escargot; dinner, salmon with spinach with rice pilaf, good salad and dessert: Cremé Bruleé.

Oh don't let me forget, there was a rainbow today on our way to the coast. What a sign of wonders.

He opened the door just like I described. Pulled out my chair. He gave me a wonderul birthday card!

Well, thanks God for a nice day.

Good nite Lord,
Yolanda

WTF!

God,

People are so incredibly stupid!

Riding my bike this morning to bible study ... one more week of the Patriarchs. Next study may be Jonah...a six-week study for July ....

But anyway, Mitch passed me in his truck and stopped up at the gas station. Very short conversation ... said he would stop by after I returned home.

He wasn't in the house two minutes before he was touching and feeling. When I put him off with a "Are you kidding!" Then he preceded to leave. So, I asked him was he only here for a booty call and since that was a wash was he now leaving. He said, Yep, in the Mitch tradition. LOLOLOL

Haven't heard a peep from the Match.com date ... boy, excitement went to fizzle quickly. Not sure why. Perhaps, there was no chemistry for him ... I was trying something out of my comfort zone ... but it is what it is ...

Was watch Las Vegas ... the young consierge was describing sex with her new husband for the first time .... she rated him a "3". She said she couldn't be married to a "3". The honesty! Finally someone other than me declared a rating system. Men do it all the time!

Chicago has always critized me for putting men a rating system! But you know what you know. I couldn't be with a "3" or "4" .... I'll just skip ... he would definately need to bring 8 -9. I know what I know.

God, I remember the dream .... I am only going down the bright lit path ... no hard work with this .... too early for hard work!

Will talk later,
Yo

Started Slow but a Good Ending

Well God,

You always have surprises!

Volunteered at the Food Pantry today ... just decided at the last minute.

After closing, a gentlemen from a church I visited. Turns out to be a friend of Joe's. Even more funny, after my visit to his church, he went to Joe's to inquire about who I am and what Joe knew of me ... am I seeing anyone. HaHa! Of course, Joe said that he was seeing me. That shut Mr. Ras Cooley down. lololo that was just like Joe.

Well, I guess with Joe's death, I'm back on the town's availability list. lolool

Well, he asked what did I want to do for my birthday! I told him to surprise me! Arrange the date. He's recommending Copelands. I've been to Copelands in Maryland. Good food.

Would suspect the restaurant would be more authentic here on the coast ... so, I'm looking forward to the good eats.

Well, in one day I went from a bust with Chicago not coming and no birthday plans to a evening in Slidell, LA for a nite of good eating.

Thanks,
God

It's in His Plan

Well God,

Chicago (with two r's) called today and said his mom had a stroke last night while he was visiting. He's feeling that he in some way contributed to her illness.

Not that this is about me, but of course God, I have my thoughts as it relates to the dream ....

Chicago told me last week that he may be delayed arriving for birthday week due to work. My thoughts, he should have placed a leave slip at least two months ago. Work is no excuse.

Chicago left a message last night that as he anticipated, he would wrapping up his assignment today and arriving tomorrow, Wednesday.

Well, that's not happening now. Work will not take precedence over today's events involving his mom.

So, again, it's about priorities, planned and unplanned.

Do I think of my birthday as significant as his mom's illness. NO WAY! But it does demonstrate that he did not make plans nor did he make any adjustment to his lack of planning. Priorities.

I have to remember that Chicago is not a husband or boyfriend, but my best friend.

I didn't call Daryl (with one r from Match.com) for lunch. I'm going to ask him to the movies tomorrow nite to see X-men.

God, We will see,
Yolanda

Two Days to Go

Hi God,

The Match.com date went well. I would rate it a six.

He did most of the talking. Quite the conversationalist. Didn't feel like I had to pull a conversation out of him. That's a plus.

I know I shouldn't but: he's attractive, fit: hard legs, muscular. Doesn't rate sex as a priority in a relationship. That was different. I made no comment one way or the other.

I left him my number in a voice message thanking him for dessert. Neither one of us was really hungry. That worked well.

Wondering since I'm off today whether to call him for lunch today.

Once I'm back at Camp Shelby...Took the week off for my birthday. Yeah, its without pay but whatever ... at minimum wage does it matter. I'll be back on the schedule next week.

Yesterday at the beach was a good way to begin. The heat was great and later Daryl's company was without any discomfort. I think the conversation was relaxed and honest.

I guess I can call and leave a message. Was the worst that can happen? He not return my call. Then, its a wrap and a whatever ... Move on .... Don't get stalled!

I think this the last two weeks of the Patriarch's study. If no plans ... we go tonight and tomorrow. The groups of women are so different ... the evening is a younger more transparent group and the morning is older, elderly, much more conservative in our discussion.

What's going on with the soldier???? Deuces! But I knew that when he replied, "I don't know. I'm okay ... I think" Average. Whatever...What a waste of 240lbs.

Forgive me God,
Yolanda

Getting Closer

Hey God,

Wasn't going to do a weight update but I am.

I am BELOW 180lbs! Hey me! Of course, with your help.

I am currently weighing in at 178lbs. Not quite my goal weight but I'm glad that I continuing to progress.

I remember the doctor's warning about the high cholesterol. Lose weight and exercise. All weight loss and exercise is going to help the rehab of the knee. So its all good!

Well, maybe a free hours sweating in the sun will burn off a pound or two.

Still need to work on that cellulite :) but overall I feel good about the change that I'm seeing.

Thanks again and always,
Yo
ps: please continue to place a hedge of protection, especially Casini, around my children and my family.

Where Is He?

Hi God,

Well, different song, same lyrics pretty much.

In Jennifer Hudson's song, Where you at?

It looks like all women are looking for the same thing. Asking God for the same thing.

A man, an angel from above that's going to love me for life.

Meeting Daryl, one (r) from Match.com for an early dinner at Bonefish Grill today.

I'm going down to the beach for some sun and then to the mall to meet him.

Let's see how it goes. Daryl is from New Jersey and works at the Shipyard in Gulfport.

Thanks God for the date and a day on the beach!

Love you always,
Yo

Laid to Rest

Hi God,
We all know that it was just the shell of a man put into the ground today. It was not Joe. I know that he did not want to leave this earth just yet but he did not take care of himself or his heart.

I wrote something to say today but didn't say it. But decided to place it here:

Hello,

I want to tell you a short story of a courtship that begins here in Bethlehem. I was asked if my story would be offensive to his family or to Laura. No, my intent is to pay tribute to the man whose integrity is well known best by those who love him.

Today, you will hear or have heard about Joe the devoted husband, doting father, generous grand-father and a man who loved God and his church.

Joe had some help initiating his plan from a few Bethlehem matchmakers. Thank you Mr. Walter Galloway and Ms. Voncile Martin.

Ladies, have you ever been courted by a gentleman? The way you see in the movies. Flowers, cards, candy, dinner, wine.  Joe did it ole’ school …Now, let me make it clear … he was still very much a man but he targeted my heart first.  For Joe it was simple. Patience and a plan.

Courtship is not some arcane method of wooing a woman that went out the window in the 50s. It's actually alive and well and guys… if you are aiming to win a gal's heart… listen closely.

According to Joe: How To Court A Woman:

You court a woman with courtesy, respect and these simple tips.
 
Joe knew how important it is to treat a woman, he opened my door - to buildings as well as to cars - pull out my seat and when I stood to walk away, Joe would stand as well and re-seat only after I had walked away - when I returned, Joe stood again and pull out my seat and stood as I sat. Joe would gently remove and hang my jacket. Joe was chivalrous and accommodating. It's not about getting special treatment in return it's a matter of manners, genuine interest, concern and grooming  … Joe always smelt good and kept a fresh cut.

Step 1
Bring her flowers. As much as some women say flowers are wasteful and dumb, we will melt at the sight of a wide, bright bouquet.

Joe was a man that love romance and being romantic. For two months, Joe sent flowers every other week until he became known to the florist as the Flower Man. On alternate weeks, I received a card. I started receiving Valentines cards beginning in the middle of January.

Step 2
Call her every day just to say "Hi." If daily seems too much, make it frequently enough that you are not annoying but show you care. The conversations don't have to be lengthy, but they will get the point across that you are thinking of her often and love the sound of her voice.

Step 3
Give her gifts. You don't have to spring for a diamond tennis bracelet. Any given day, Joe left gifts on my mother’s front porch. It through me at first, bags of greens and cabbages, gardening gloves, cotton plants … the things that he loved to do and wanted to share with me.

Step 4
Write her a poem or letter. Even if you don't reckon yourself a poet, write a short paragraph about how she makes you feel. This will make her melt more than the flowers.

One Sunday Joe asked me what did I cook for dinner and I told him that I hadn’t cook. He asked me where I would like to go. The next Sunday, Deacon Breland was passing me a note from the pews like kids in a classroom. On it was written these words, “If you let me look in your face, you never have to cook another Sunday dinner.” Ladies, from that Sunday on, Joe and I had a standing Sunday dinner date.  Ladies, Joe let it be known that nothing and no one would be interfering with his courting, not even the Bethlehem Search Committee. For Joe it was simple he had somewhere to be. Dinner with me.

Once I tried to pay, pulled out my credit card, you know take turns. Oh whew, why did I do that. Joe got a look on his face and directed me to put it away. Joe with a firm voice, “Don’t do that again. When you’re with me, you’ll never have to pay for anything.”

Step  5
Make her every wish your desire. This doesn't mean kissing her feet, unless that's her wish and you don't mind, but it does mean catering to her whims when she wants to picnic at midnight on a hilltop or drive across the country on the spur of the moment. Show her the lengths you'll go to just to make her happy.
 
Joe provided me with a courtship that many women never experience. One filled with romance, respect and patience.  An old-fashion courtship where we learned about each other, taking time to become friends. Morning coffees, drives along the beach, evenings on the porch swing sharing a bottle of Mascato or tailgating with fried catfish and a six-pack of Corona.

Some may say well look what patience got us … was it worth waiting considering our ages, taking our time. Yes it was worth waiting, No, I have no regrets.  Joe and I lived within the Grace of God. Joe left me with my respect and without sin. Joe’s integrity and reputation of being a Godly man remains in tact not tarnished by rumors or innuendos of goings on behind closed doors. We kept God’s covenant.

Joe said all good things are worth waiting for. All good things come to those who wait on Lord. Joe believed and treated me like a “good” thing.

Ladies, do the men or man in your life make you feel like a “good thing” worth waiting for?

Joe left with me his gift for my future … I am a good thing worth waiting for. Vernae and Chante you’ve have the best template on what to look for a man, a husband … look for one that’s that exemplifies Joe.

Joe taught me that love is not complicated. We make it complicated or maybe the complication is a sign that its not meant for us. Joe taught me that life and love can be simple when you put God first.

Thank you, God for the time I had Joe as my friend. I will miss him greatly.

Yo

I Had a Dream

Hello God,

I had a dream several weeks ago, before Joe's death, but You know that already. Thank you for the vision.

My dream:

I'm walking through an underground mall. I had the feeling of being in another country, Italy or Greece, the feel of an old city but not France or Egypt.

• The walls were a white, stone.
• For some reason, limestone keeps popping into my head.
• The walls were natural, rough not smoothed like granite countertops.
• The stores were normal, Ann Taylor, Victoria Secrets, typical upscale mall stores.

I wasn't shopping just looking, walking thru ....

I started looking for a way out, up to street level.

• I saw a stairway outside,
• bright sunlight, 
• people existing,
• walking up some carved out steps,
• no railing,
• but no sense of fear or falling

I made it to street level, looked around ... saw traffic, cars, buses, people going here and there about their daily business.

Then,

I found myself again walking through the same mall, but remembering my previous experience of walking through the mall and knowing that there is a way out: well lit, easy, simple ....

I got outside the mall and looked at the stairs leading up to the streets ...

I saw an alternate stairway leading downward, shadowed, dark ... I wondered where it went ... where would it take me ....

No sooner than I step to descend I felt it. That gut feeling telling me to turn around but I kept going ...

No sooner I was off the stairwell and stepped on the floor, a group of guys ... Latinos walked passed me carrying weapons, automatic rifles.

I thought about turning around and following them out .... but I didn't. Kept walking.

I passed a second group of men ... white .... one man watching me ... we locked eyes ... I looked away passing the group ... Once passed, the man man turned around to attack me. I screamed and woke up.

Hm mm, didn't think much about it until weeks later, just thought of it as a bad dream.

Last week, Tuesday, during the Beth's Moore Bible Study of the Patriarchs, the workbook instructed us to write down our last remembered dream. I did! We were studying Joesph's interpretation of Pharaoh's dreams.

I have a dream book, Understanding the Dreams You Dream.

Dream Interpretation: Using the book, I picked out some of the elements from the dream:

• City: Characteristic: that for which the city is now; the Church; a person's character (Acts 20:23, Proverbs 25:28)
• Mall: World: Worldliness; ripe field for evangelism.(1John 2:15)
• Upstairs (or the Upper Room) - Spiritual: Thought (godly or carnal); prayer; spiritual service. (Acts 1:13-14)
• Up: Above: Help; advancement, promotion, difficulty (as in "it's all uphill from here"); salvation. (Psalm18:16)
• Down: Beneath: Humbled; demotion, worldly. (Psalm 75:7)
• Guns: (Looked in metals) Lead: Weight: Wickedness; sin; burden (the cares of the world); judgement; fool or foolishness. (Zechariah 5:8; Hebrews 12:1)
• Numbers: Five (number of men in the groups): Serve: Works; service; bondage (including debt, sickness, phobias, etc) taxes, prison, sin; motion. (Romans 7:5; John 8:34)
• Man (stranger) Angel, oneself, or demon. Felt like demon: person with evil intent; danger (Matthew 2:13)

Interpretation according to me, hopefully, with God's touch :)

God has always shown me the way, His way. Yet, so many times, I've looked at the other path and wondered where did it go ....

• Why?
• Why not take the well lit, well defined path?
• Why walk into the shadows? By choice?

It wasn't like I didn't have the knowledge. I did. I remembered I did and I still chose to explore the darkness.

What did/does the darkness or shadows offer? Nothing. Emptiness. Darkness.

Joe was a simple, well lit path. I saw a sweet, old man infactuated with a woman he wanted to get to know.

I turned to go down that dark path: Sean maybe, Chicago maybe, a soldier that's my age, single, healthy and strong that doesn't drink or smoke and professes to love the Lord .... how inticing is he! How delicious is the lusting thoughts of him!

I have to start listening to God, to my gut, to my spirit of discernment ... Going up is so much easier ... perhaps the more I do that the easier it becomes.

I guess its like hugging. The first time is feels uncomfortable, invasive, violating maybe. But the more you experience, the more you desire it, then the more you can give it.

Thank you Lord,
Yo

June 1st and Counting

Hello God,

Well counting down to the 16th.

Here's the photos to begin the month of June.