What's Up???

God,

I've tried not to rush to judgement, give things a chance to grow .... evolve, naturally-without undue pressure.

Today, I am feeling a little queasy in my stomach.

44-year old and I went canoeing Saturday. His thank-you to me for helping with last semester's class.

After we arrived back to his truck ... his phone was ringing off the hook. He answered it and told whoever it was that he was back at his apt. (LIE). If you have to lie to the person ... then don't answer the phone. Or, at least, take care to insure your conversation isn't overheard.

Later, back at his apt. while working on this semester's work. The phone was again, ringing. He kept pushing the button to send the call to voicemail.

A short-while later, he said he had to step out but that I could stay. I stayed to finish working on the math problems ... but I can feel that uneasiness in the pit of my stomach.

I asked all the questions, the day we met at Hooters. I don't want to become the police trying to figure it all out. Too much work .... Too much drama associated with that.

Sunday night, the Jets played the Ravens. That's us. Made a bet: the winner gets to design a nite out. I won. There was a fantastic fumble in the last two minutes of the game. He was suppose to call back later that evening because a posting was needed that evening for class. I was working on one of the problems while he was watching the game.

I called him after the game to tell him the status of the problem I working on so that he could go ahead with his posting. No answer. Knowing what I've seen, I left a message and didn't call again. He didn't call back.

Yesterday evening, he left a message for me to return his call after I get in from work. Basically, he said that he was returning my call for the night before. 24 hours later, I said. Basically, he blew it off ... blew me off. I simply replied he's cool and later.

Seeing what I seen, hearing what I've heard ... the last couple of times ... I know that I've been holding back. He knows that I've been holding back. So, has our status changed???? I'm really unsure where I stand with him. It will be three months soon. I suppose, technically, we are still in the "get-to-know you" stage.

He's been married before ... not sure if he wants to do it again. Not even sure, if he wants a committed, monogamous relationship ... I just know that when we first spoke ... he wasn't involved with anyone, not seeing anyone.

Outside of the experiences mentioned, I have really enjoyed him company. He has a great sense of humor. From what I can tell, a strong sense of integrity. He adores and protects the women in his life ... daughter, ex-wife, mom, aunts, grandma .... So, playing games really doesn't seem like his mo.

I tried to say something to him Saturday but I wasn't making sense.

And of course, it could all be in my head! OM! Alot of times we write out the script and the dialogue before we even had an opportunity to speak to the person. My perception could be totally off.

I'm going to finish working on this week's assignment. Whether he shows up for dinner on Wednesday is an unknown ... we will see.

God, continue to keep me from hurt, harm and danger,
I love you always,
Yo