Rally and March for Freddie Gray

Killed at age 25 while in custody of the Baltimore City Police Department. 80% of his spine severed, broken legs, neck injury. Rally and march from Gilmore Homes to City Hall.

 




 

Mitches and Sistahs!

This what a mitch does ... talks about his baby momma's sister ... on the down low. Only mitches talk shit when they have nothing going on for themselves. This mitch has never had a job, can't keep a job and doesn't look for a job! Who's sitting around ... smh

What's hurtful most about this post ... my sister "liked" this foul post. This really puzzles me. 

I believe my sister still holds some resentment towards me. My sister said sometime last year, that I didn't like her when we were young, always leaving her, never taking her with me. I felt so sad for my sister to hold such hurt for so long. I tried to assure my sister that it was nothing more than big sister not wanting little sister being a shadow.

What of all our trips to North Carolina to visit my college friend and her husband. They not only opened their home to me and my four children, but welcomed my sister as extension of myself ... each and every visit. Never went without my sister. Here my sister met the one she regrets let get away. Again keeping secrets, she felt the need to keep the relationship a secret from "the friends" who opened their home to her, cooked, shared meals with, with trust. Maybe we could have shared some insight and that hard working, dark chocolate brother would be her provider and protector.

I wonder if there's something else or more that my sister hasn't said and is holding on to. I don't know.

It's funny because there are events that I continually try to put behind me when it comes to my sister and mother.

When my sister and I were fighting over the telephone. Instead of my mother breaking it up and punishing the both of us ... she reveled, "Get her DeeDee ... get her! Beat her ass!"

When my son was small, an infant, my sister told me that we couldn't come home that night. We needed to find somewhere else to stay for evening because  my sister was having an overnight/evening visitor that required anonymity. Why .... that really isn't a good reason that you would ever put a dick, especially a cheating, married one, before your sister or before your infant nephew.

When my sister went away, don't remember whether it was overnight or for a weekend, to Atlantic City with my children's father. My sister made a pact not to tell me. What sister does that? Of course, he told and my sister felt like what????

When my sister made the comment that being with that same truck driver was beneath me and my sister states her disappointed in me. My sister stated that she would never have any kind of man but a white collar man. Hmmm ....

When my sister was pregnant with my niece and shared with family members that I was jealous of her. Jealous that my sister was with her child's father. That my sister had the intact family instead of the single mother, baby daddy. When I heard this ... cause you know family is gonna tell! My sister acknowledged and took ownership. Then I had to say to my sister ... why would you go to place of jealousy and not believe that I would be happy for you. The life I live as a single parent is hard and not what God intended. If I had my druthers for my sister ... of course, since now 35 ... and you did whatever you had to do not to get pregnant up till now ... why wouldn't you wait till you married to prince charming???  Well, I not going to answer this ... because then it would make me no better than him. But the answer to this was kept from me for a very long time until my mom broke the dish ... my sister so very much deserve better ... than a mitch!

When my sister said it was not enough for me to tell her the Ipod she received from my son was stolen and needed to be returned to me so I could return it the rightful owner.  My sister called the football coach to authenticate my story. Then my sister called the police on me!!! to recover the stolen Ipod that I removed from my niece's luggage in order to return it to the coach.

But again, for all the shade, betrayals, my sister has thrown my direction. Never have I slighted my sister in the least.... the sister, I,  grew up with. Like I said earlier ... there is some deep rooted resentment or something there that continues to fester.

So now, after all of the above ...

My sister feels something for me ... and it isn't love at all. I'm not angry ... I really feel very sad for my sister. I thought I was the one on the outside with my sister and mom. Maybe I was/ am the better for it.

All I can do now is stay out of my sister's way. What was suppose to be time spent with my sister and niece has turned ugly ... not the special time I had hoped to remember.

My worst fear was that I was going to turn out like my mom ... depressed, low self-esteem ... not knowing that you're special and deserve the best ... A HERO not a zero.

I see a lot of my mom in my sister. My sister has a Joe Lonesome.

I love my sister unconditionally and fully without hesitation. I pray for my sister constantly.

I bought one for each of us on our birthday: my sister, her daughter, my daughter and me. Thinking unity, solidarity, friendship, love .... all the things as sisters we want for each other ... with each other.

After Prophylatic Mastectomy and Reconstruction

Hi God,

I expect not to feel 100%, but I didn't expect to feel at 60-70%. Really tired and achy a lot. Will start back at the gym soon. The weather is starting to warm up so that should help.

I love you for providing for me. Thank you for guiding me, particularly when I'm not even aware ...

Thank you for ignoring my complaining.

I love you,

Yo

Projecting .... Such an Understatement. Fool, Your Words ...

Arnold,

Give: "gentleness, patience, trustworthiness, kindness and affection" and it most certainly will come back to you. There is a lack of self-awareness coupled with the accusatory, judgmental and condescending monologues prohibiting/stifling "gentleness, patience, trustworthiness, kindness and affection".

Sometimes, you need to shut the mediator off ... its not neutral, its not reflective ... it can actually be inflammatory and cruel.

-----Original Message-----
From: Arnold
To: Yo
Sent: Thu, Mar 5, 2015 10:14 pm
Subject: Re: This is what I do and say when I am absolutely furious...

   
If I am erring in interpreting, what I describe as anger, please forgive me.  Whatever it is that I see and feel is something that you are entitled to, something you do well and something that seems pretty consistent.  Like conflict, anger is pretty normal and ubiquitous.  I may be acting like the fool who is 'projecting.'  If hurtful and disappointing things happened to me that I did not ask for, earn or deserve I would be angry off the scale.

My apologies for thinking what I would do is and feel is what you are doing and feeling.

Also - my bad - if I was actually trespassing on the internet when I suddenly found a surprising pocket of information about you,  then I clearly mess up on my journey-ing.  In truth, I didn't know any better.  I thought what was there was there was written to be read..by anybody. ( I thought) I was taking care...
   
In a message dated 3/5/2015 10:03:22 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, Yo writes:  
   
         
Seething with anger .... your assumptions are premature and presumptuous. You listen, analyze, formulated a deliberate response ... yet, you haven't felt me at all.
         
I think your googling me ... took away from the journey of getting to know me.

Take care.

Sent on a Boost Samsung Galaxy S® III
     
-------- Original message --------    
     
From: Arnold
     
Date:03/05/2015 9:35 PM (GMT-05:00)     
     
To:  Yo
     
Cc: Arnold
     
Subject: This is what I do and say when I am absolutely furious...


an absolutely. determined to win.
      
I don't get angry, mean, physical or loud and 'celebrate' the problem.  Instead, I try to stay calm, use the King's English and I try to solve the problem, so I can emerge from the quiet fight as a victor.     
      
      
      
See the attachments, which may be out of order...

BTW - I don't think I am right for you as a lover or as a romantic interest.  I am too old, too set in my ways and totally unsure of what to do with myself and the experiences that life has packed up inside of me.  I do think I am great friend material and hope we can find our way to friendship.

My babbling of the last few days, my ambiguousness, the, seeming, pointlessness of my anecdotes have been engendered by me trying to buy some time (and keep your attention long enough) to figure out what to make of you, the (almost fierce) aggression I sense in you and what to make of me being torn by a need for gentleness, patience, trustworthiness, kindness and affection and my realization that this may simply not be where you are - right now.  I think you may be seething with anger and now I have a better grasp of some of its origins.  Maybe I can be a lake that you sit beside which helps you find more peacefulness...
      
xo       
Arnold
  

So, Tell Me Everything I Want To Know About You

So, Tell Me Everything I Want To Know About You, The New York Times.


His love life sounding non-existent ... content with his aloneness ... perhaps because dealing with someone else, considering someone else ... is more than he has to give. Companionship comes with sharing, friendship comes with consideration ... its not to be analyzed, its to be experienced, to feel.

I caught his attention. After several conversations, his comment of feeling of kindred spirits. Instead of evoking the wonder of wanting to know more, he spoke more with hesitancy and caution ... it hasn't even been a week!

I thought we were getting along very well ... despite the age difference.

I have a searchable name ... he found this blog .... a blog that's not hidden but also not one pulling in readers and followers. You would definitely have to look and search ....

I am at a total loss for words that someone would make such assumptions, judgments which are derogatory and unsupported attributes .... Because he doesn't understand me, than there has to be something wrong with me! Perhaps he didn't understand me because he googled me first, than told me, expounding with analysis of my writings.

So this is what he puts in an email:

-----Original Message-----
From: Arnold
To: Yo
Sent: Thu, Mar 5, 2015 9:18 pm
Subject: Re: Name The Problem

This was a terrible, terrible, thing for anyone to go through.  It was a tragic loss of life and innocence.  It also seems like a life-changing traumatic event which would must have engendered PTSD long before a solid and credible name was given to such a disorder.
  
This major assault to your sensibilities probably has distorted your sense of what is 'normal' and may have impacted how safe you feel on this earth.  For that, I truly ache.  You are entitled to better and deserve not just better but the best, Yolanda.
  
I am sorry you experienced the fear, being assailed like this and that you were so close to the loss of an innocent life. No one deserves such victimization.  I am glad you survived it, but know you did not do so unscathed.  It makes my heart hurt to think of what has happened to you and that is not limited to this horrible series of events.

You are way too valuable as a person and as a spirit to have to endure such suffering.  You have my heartfelt sympathies and prayers and blessing.  I understand much more why and how I do not understand how you tick.

May, God, the Universe, your Angels and good spirits on this earth guide, comfort and protect you henceforth. 
  

Wrapped it with a Red Ribbon ... FYI

 

I have so missed this body. He has certainly set the standard or at least provided with the Once Upon A Time. I enjoyed his energy, humor, wisdom .... and his beauty .... inside and out.

These last few days I will not attach to the time spent with him.

I loved him. He loved me.


-----Original Message-----
From: Yo
To: bdub
Sent: Tue, Mar 3, 2015 11:14 am
Subject: FYI

I not going to use this ... but did find without paying for any background check. Just did a search.

This is the best way to maintain my own integrity and moral constitution. I have no interest in revenge  or causing you any harm.

-----Original Message-----
From: Yo
To:
Sent: Mon, Mar 2, 2015 12:16 am
Subject:

2 .  2xxx5 D..... L... W... L.....ville B W xxx-925-xxxx
3 .  2xxx5 D..... L... W... L.....ville T W xxx-925-xxxx
4 .  2xxx5 D..... L... W... L.....ville T W xxx-521-xxxx
5 .  2xxx5 D..... L... W... L......ville T W
6 .  2xxx5 D..... L... W... L......ville T W xxx-925-xxxx

Who's the Student, Who's the Teacher