Men Were Never My Best Decision

Dear God,

You know like I know ... Men were never my best decisions. Oh, I could/can get them, even now @ 52 years old.   Chrisette Michele sings it best, "I only asking for a couple of forever's" (click photo)

Picking them, I was never good at it. Always choosing the wrong ones. I can accept the loss and uncertainty. I just do not want to lose the ability to love. To believe in love, be open to be love, accepting, deserving. The greatest gift.


Don't think 44 is one of them. I didn't.

He wasn't honest with me. The honesty that he promised me when we first spoke .. almost 2 years ago. I trust the God in him. I wanted him to be the one ... I wanted me the be the one. He was my best friend. I'm trying not to be angry and bitter .... vengeful. Pain and hurt can harden you.... God, I don't want that for me. 44 is selfish and mean with me. I don't deserve his mistreatment.

I was not the one. That doesn't make him the enemy. He's not the one. I was wrong. He wasn't the man he proclaimed to be. A man of God shouldn't treat any woman with such disregard. He said he would always be truthful to me, even when the truth hurts. He ignores me, disregards me.

I was wrong. He wasn't the man I thought he was. Probably, I knew that the day he left me 10 miles out on the trail alone.

I tried to show how steady and trusting unconditional love is ... It covers you like shade. I hoped he would trust this love ... trust me. He didn't.

Real, but not real. (click photo)

My love was honest. 100 ... I can live with knowing that I gave him my all ...